new perspective

vi. DRAWING WITH FLOWERS

chapter six,

drawing with flowers.

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[unedited] 6.

it was another day. more hours that the earth would circle the sun, and i would do nothing. i shouldn't even get up.

i just lay there. in bed. doing nothing. as always.

"you're finally awake." darryl smiled from beside me. i look over at him, rubbing my eyes, "have you just been laying there?"

"maybe." he admitted with a smile, "but i enjoy it. you look cute like that."

"so you're saying i don't look cute normally?" i asked, faking being hurt. he shook his head, kissing my nose, "absolutely not! you're always adorable."

the smile doesn't leave my red face. he knew he made me get this way. all flustered and feeling good. it made him satisfied when he controlled me like this. i loved it.

"how can you even see me without your glasses?" i asked, and he squeezes his eyes somewhat closed, "if i do this, i can see you easier! look! i'm not blind!" he teased, "but you're right. i didn't even think of that."

i shake my head in pure disbelief and love, turning my body to face him. he puts his glasses on his head and goes on his side, wrapping his protective arm around me. it makes me feel fuzzy inside.

"i love waking up next to you." he sighed. "then next we'll have breakfast. and you'll choose what outfit i should wear to work, and i'll choose what you wear to yours. it's perfect. everything is perfect with you."

i moved closer to him, putting my secure arm around his waist. "i love you."

"i love you too." he smiled.

"breakfast is waiting for you." darryl explained, and with my shut eyes, i question him, "what?"

"this boy, i swear. breakfast. is. made."

i finally open my eyes, looking at my mother with her hands crossed across her chest. "i'm not even gonna question what i just saw. i made you breakfast."

breakfast? what was that?

"you actually made me breakfast?" i asked, still not recovered from my hallucination. i was the one who made me think of us like that. together. closer than friends.

"felt like being nice today." she responded. "still haven't cleaned the room, i see."

i shove my head into my pillow again, "just go before you ruin your nice-ness."

"alright, alright. shame me for trying to be somebody to you again."

yeah, that's right. shame you for needing to try.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

breakfast was awkward. no one spoke a word and honestly, i was thankful. i don't even know what we'd talk about.

the food was good. i haven't eaten a full meal in four days, so it felt nice to actually have something in my system. it wasn't like i starved myself, either. i actually enjoy eating, believe it or not.

the only thing that could occupy my mind right now is the daydream i had this morning. there was no way i could comprehend that i thought of us like that. i barely even made up my mind if i wanted us to be friends or not, why was my mind automatically skipping to us being lovers? and why was i okay with that?

i love you.

i love you too.

it made me become shy, wishing to be alone so no one could see me like this. so.. fragile. see me without my guard on.

"okay, what is going on?" my mother asked, placing her fork on her plate, "i walk into your room and you're whispering i love you's to yourself, which okay, weird, but with you, i don't even know anymore, so i leave it at that. but right now, you're redder than a tomato. confess up, little one. mama's senses are tingling."

sadly, i would've told her everything, because that was just who i was, but this was darryl. he was special. i felt something with him. he made me feel happy, made my heart flutter, and i'm pretty sure she was sleeping with his dad.

i hope they don't go further than a casual affair. where would that leave me and darryl? would we be related to each other? i don't want that.

"it's —" i breathed, my shoulders slouching, "it's nothing. no one."

she shook her head, "lies."

"even if it was something, why would i tell you? i don't want to tell you so i don't have to." i spoke clearly, crossing my arms. she sighed, "your logic is sometimes too crazy."

"logic?" i asked, and she nodded, "yeah! your logic where life is always about you. i'm not gonna do this because i don't want to, or, if it doesn't involve me, it doesn't matter. because you have to learn, zak, that life isn't just about you. sure, if i ask you to clean your room — and i'm using this as an example — you're not gonna want to do it, but that's not up to you. it will benefit me. it will benefit you. it will benefit visitors. you need to think farther than just yourself, because as much as i'd like it, life isn't just about ourselves. you need to think in a new perspective."

i looked everywhere but her eyes, because i knew she was right. i'm too stubborn to admit that, so i said nothing. i didn't defend my ground. i actually listened.

"darryl and john are coming over tonight. clean your room, please. for them. for darryl."

my head snapped toward her, throwing her a suspicious glance. i wouldn't question it, because if i did, she would think about what she said, too. and she probably didn't mean it as mysterious as it came out. for darryl. how did she know he was my soft spot?

in a swift motion, i got up from my spot on the chair, picking my dishes up and bringing it to the sink. darryl was coming over tonight, that meant he would see my house, my room. he would finally see where i fell asleep at night and awoke in the morning.

this house was nothing compared to his. i was afraid he'd notice that.

quickening my step, i marched up my stairs, walking into my incredibly messy room and looking around. leaning down, i picked up some clothes i threw in the corner of my room and put them in my hamper. i did that with many other clothes that were left stranded on the ground.

i shoved all of my drawings into my desk, not being able to find the one i drew of the boy with flowers. i didn't want darryl seeing that one. by taking one look at that photo, you could tell it had an impact on me. whether good or bad, i wouldn't tell, but i knew which was the case. i didn't want darryl feeling any guilt for something that he'd apologized for many times.

yup. i was whipped. but i couldn't find the photo, and that was a problem. i searched through the pile of papers i had under my bed, not there. it wasn't in my night table, either.

i finally looked in my drawer. it wasn't there.

i know that's where i left it.

worry began to rile up in me. darryl would probably find the drawing before me.

and that was some more embarrassment i don't think i'd be able to handle.

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