Chasing Papers

Escape

I thought I was in love once. He made me feel safe and loved and would hold me when I cried. But it didn't last long. Something in him snapped, something in him changed. It was like night and day. It started off small. He would snap at me or get in a mood. I learned to leave him alone and stay out of his way but it wasn't enough.

The first time he hit me I almost didn't believe it happened. It was a cold slap to my face and I wasn't expecting it. The next time he hit me he broke my nose. A couple bruised ribs, a broken arm, and countless bruises later, I don't know why I didn't leave. I always wondered why women didn't leave when they were in situations like this. I vowed not to be like them. I tried. I tried so hard. I left him and he would find me everytime.

I finally packed everything up , threw my phone in a river,and drove into Canada in the dead of night. I had no one in the States. I'd grown up in foster care and I had a sister, but I had lost contact with her when we were separated into different foster homes. I hoped wherever she was, she was okay and I didn't want to drag her into the mess my life had become.  I managed to get an apartment and landed my dream job at a startup. I left my old life in the United States behind and I never looked back.

This is what made my stomach twist and turn when I realized that in 8 months time, I would most likely be deported. The thought hung over my head like a black cloud, but I kept on. I didn't date and focused on my job and cultivating relationships with my coworkers.  The people in our office would often have happy hours and I normally didn't go to them, but my coworker, Normani, begged me to go. "You can stay for 30 minutes and then you can leave," she promised me.

I put on mascara and lipstick. I at least had to put in some effort. I got to the bar and greeted everyone. We took shots and maybe it was just that I was tired, but I took a shot. I took more than one shot. I took many in fact, and I honestly, didn't think about the repercussions. Since Matthew, I always had my guard up. I rarely trusted anyone and I was always aware of my surroundings, somehow afraid he'd show up somewhere. The night was a blur and I completely blacked out.

So when I woke up in an unfamiliar bed, I was clearly panicked. "Thank you, Jesus," I said as I realized I was fully clothed and alone. I grabbed a baseball bat for protection and quietly made my way into the living room.

I saw a sleeping figure on the couch and slowly approached. I could tell it was a man and he turned over and opened his eyes, and was immediately startled. I couldn't help but scream and he screamed. "Why are you screaming?" he said. I recognized immediately that it was Shawn. Someone I didn't know personally but we worked on the same projects from time to time.

"Shit, Shawn, I'm so sorry," I lowered the bat. "I didn't know where I was.. and.. we didn't uhh..?"

"We didn't. Everyone left the bar and I stayed because you were pretty drunk and I wanted to make sure you got home safely, but you wouldn't tell me where you lived so I brought you, here," Shawn said. "I'm sorry, I didn't meant to scare you. Do you remember anything?"

I sat down and put my hands over my face. I was clearly hungover and confused. "I don't remember a thing."

Shawn stood up and got me cup of water and he also got himself a shirt. In all the chaos, I hadn't realized he was shirtless. I tried to ignore how built he was and tried to focus more on not puking.

He set the water down.

"Are you really getting deported?" Shawn asked quietly.

I slowly met his gaze and was shocked. I must have said something last night. Fuck. I wondered what else I'd said. I had done such a good job in the past year making sure I remained a mystery.I took a deep breath