Chasing Papers

Know you

I hated that that asshole still invaded my dreams.
"Where the fuck do you think you're going. Huh?" He slammed me against the wall. I stayed silent. I learned it was better this way. When I spoke up it just got him angrier. He threw me on the bed and got on top of me. We'd slept together many times before, but this was the first time I said no. It was a big mistake. He slapped me for speaking and pulled off my jeans. When I tried to close my legs he forced them open. I remember stinging and burning pain and the smell of liquor. I couldn't stop myself from screaming. I said "Stop" over and over again until I passed out.

My cries must have translated to real life because I woke up covered in sweat and Shawn at the door. "Camila, what's wrong, are you okay?" He was genuinely concerned and as I tried to regulate my breathing, I tried to wave him off. "I'm fine, just,a bad dream is all."

"That sounded really bad Camila...." he said solemnly.

It was. "It's nothing," I lied.

I looked at the clock. It was 8 a.m.
We had been married a week and so far living with Shawn was amazing. We had gotten to know a lot more about each other, but I hadn't told him about Matthew and was wondering if I ever needed to or if I should.

I could tell he knew something was up. Loud sounds would startle me. Shawn hit his toe on the coffee table and yelled a string of obscenities that to anyone else would have been funny,but it triggered something so intense in me. I started worrying he would start to yell at me like that. I made sure to pick up my clothes and keep things clean because that's how Shawn kept them and I didn't want him to be upset.

One day after work I went to get a haircut and texted Shawn to let him know I'd be late. My phone died while I was at the salon and my hair appointment had taken longer than expected. When I was finished I made my way to the condo and when I opened the door Shawn stood up immediately, "Camila, where have you been? You didn't come home after work and your phone was off. I got worried," his voice was full of concern,but it carried a hint of anger.

"I.. I texted you.." I said plugging in my phone and turning it on to realize my last text hadn't sent.

"I didn't get anything," Shawn snapped at me.

Oh fuck, here it goes. No, not you Shawn, please.

"What if something had happened to you!?" He was raising his voice louder now. He took a step towards me and I closed my eyes and winced, bracing for impact.
But nothing came.
I opened my eyes and he looked terrified. I took a step back from him and my keys trembled in my hand.
"Did.. you think I was going to... hit you?" Shawn asked, his face completely in shock.

I said nothing. I didn't know what to say.
"Camila, has someone.. have you been with someone who hit you... hurt you, physically?"

I panicked and locked myself in the bathroom for safety and privacy. I tried not have a panic attack but it came anyway. I gasped for air and I could hear Shawn banging on the door to let me in. He's coming in to hurt me is what my brain said. He's upset at you, he's angry, don't trust him. My brain went into full on defense mode and I stayed still. "Camila, I'm sorry for raising my voice, I'm sorry if you think I'm upset, I'm not I was just worried about you, I didn't want to lose you like.. like I lost her." His voice fell and I could tell he was sitting on the opposite side of the bathroom door.
I felt bad. I gathered myself and got the courage to open the door.

Shawn's POV
I felt like such an ass for yelling and I felt like the biggest asshole on earth for making my wife lock herself in the bathroom. My stomach dropped and I got chills when I realized she thought I was going to hit her. I would never in a million years raise my hand to a woman but it pissed me off to no end that someone else had. And to her. My Camila. My... wife.