Chasing Papers

Don't stop

Shawn's POV

"You're not crazy."

I froze and wondered if I'd imagined her answer.

She stared at me and I couldn't read her face.

"You make me feel...things too and I don't know what to do. I can't read you Shawn. You're the most confusing book. One chapter you can't keep your hands off of me and the next you're pulling away. I wasn't supposed to let myself fall for you.. I'm... scared.. I'm scare you'll be like.."

"Him." I finished.

There were tears in her eyes and she nodded.

" I'm scared too. I'm not scared of being like him, but I'm scared you'll never be able to let your guard down around me. It kills me that you walk around thinking you're anything less than the most amazing girl on the planet. I want to fucking kill that guy for ever laying a hand on you, but I'm here. I'm here and I'm in.... I care about you.I'm sorry if it seems like I'm hot and cold, I just don't know what else to do. When we're in public or around my parents, it's the only chance I get to show you that I actually really care about you and now I'm worried you think it's all fake because it was supposed to be fake but,Camila,nothing about how I feel about you is fake."

I almost said I was in love with her but I wasn't ready for her to hear those words even though I felt those feelings.

"Shawn, I don't know what do. I.. want you, but ... we have to take it slow," she said.

"We're already married," I laughed. She laughed. The tension dissipated and I took a step closer to her.

"Can I kiss you?" I asked.

She looked up at me and nodded slowly. I know I'd kissed her before but this felt like the first time. It was the first time I would kiss her with my feelings not being hidden. I leaned down and allowed my lips to brush hers gently. I closed the space between us slowly and gave it everything I had. I ran my hands through her hair and let my lips convey the months of thoughts I'd had of her. I needed her to know, even if I wasn't ready to say it, that I loved her. I was in love with her and until I knew she was ready to hear it, I put every unspoken feeling and stolen touch in that kiss.

Time didn't matter at this point. All the seconds melted away and we stood, kissing. Our hearts beating fast, our lips moving slow.

Finally, I pulled away and we came up for air.

"Wow," I said. It was the same"wow" I'd uttered after she kissed me at our wedding, but it was stronger now.

She jumped and I caught her, allowing her to wrap her legs around me. I held her and kissed her and I laid her down on my bed and finally felt was it was like to have my body close to hers. She moaned when I squeezed her ass and when I brushed myself against her center. "Tell me when to stop," I said in between kisses.

We kissed and I allowed myself to grind against her as she let her hands explore my back and shoulder and arms. Even in my fervor, I was very careful not to cross any lines. Eventually, she pulled out of the kiss and nodded and I knew it meant that she wanted to stop.

I moved off of her and sat next to her on the bed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... I just... I'm not ready for..." she looked down at my clear bulge in my pants and stopped talking.

I looked down and pulled a pillow over myself. "Don't ever apologize for telling me what your limits are. It's okay. I'll wait as long as you need me to wait and if we never do anything, that's okay too. I don't want you to feel pressured to have to do anything." I lifted her chin with my hand. "I'm happy just to be able to kiss you," I said.