Love Thy Neighbour *editing*

"We were playing with my duck."

I was absolutely bricking it. I was lying in my bed, thinking about all of the worse case scenarios. What if there was no heartbeat? What if they just turned around and said that there was no baby? I didn't think that I could cope with losing two. Niall was lying next to me, snoring lightly. He had spent most of the evening before trying to convince me that it was going to fine, but it hadn't worked. Every time I shut my eyes, visions of the sonographer telling me that my womb was empty plagued my mind, each time worse than the next. The last one had been the worst; she had told us and then tried to kill me with the wand that they used. After that, I had decided not to bother with the whole sleeping thing. I sighed and edged away from Niall's arms. I got up and left the room. I was almost wishing that my morning sickness would come back, so that I could be truly sure that I was still pregnant. Alright, I was beginning to show and my cravings now included breadsticks and canned peaches, but I was still worried.

I cupped my stomach in my hands and took a deep breath. There was just a small bulge. It wasn't noticeable if you weren't looking for it. I walked down the stairs. I didn't care what time it was but I was awake now.

Mum was already in the kitchen. She had a cup of coffee in her hand and I instantly felt very jealous. Nearly three months without coffee; no wonder I was always so tired. She looked up when I entered and gave me a small smile. We hadn't spoken properly since Auntie Francis had moved in. It was like she spoke enough for all of us so we felt no need to open our mouths. Since I had got pregnant, we had barely even spent time in the same room. And as for abandoning me at the hospital...that wound was still pretty raw in my mind.

"What're you doing up so early?" she asked.

"I couldn't sleep," I mumbled truthfully. I glanced at the clock on the wall. 6.23. I groaned.

"Can I get you something to eat?" mum asked. "Toast and peanut butter?" I smiled gratefully as my mum happily bustled around the kitchen. She had always liked to be needed, even before dad had walked out on us. I watched as she put the bread in the toaster and took out the peanut butter from the cupboard.

"I'm glad that you and Niall are happy," she said to the quiet kitchen. I looked at her, my eyebrows arched. I was surprised that she had even noticed that Niall was practically living in my bedroom. I never saw her anymore and vice versa. "I see the way he looks at you."

I bowed my head. Whatever was going on between me and Niall, I was pretty sure that my mother couldn't have possibly picked up on it. But I couldn't be rude to her, not when she was making so much effort with me.

"You'll let me know how you get on," she mumbled, pouring water into the kettle. "At the scan." I nodded. The moment I found out that everything was going to be okay, I was going to hop, skip and jump out of that hospital, waving the picture in my hand like a mad man. Eurgh, I just wanted to get it over and done with. I just...I just really wanted to know if my baby was okay.

"You're worried," my mum said. It wasn't even a question. I looked at her spreading my toast. She looked up and gave me a sad little smile. "It'll be alright, pet, I promise you."

There was a time when I believed in promises. I had thought that adults never lied and that they were this constant rock in my life. Then I had grown up and seen the world very clearly at face value. The truth hurts. Never a truer statement. Mum set my plate down in front of me along with a cup of apple juice. It took me back to when I was little and all of a sudden, I felt tears spring to my eyes. My mum wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight, rocking me backwards and forwards like a little child.

"What if it's not?" I wept into her shoulder. So perhaps the sleep deprivation and all of these whacked out pregnancy hormones were messing with my head but I was in serious need for a crying session. It just wasn't the same talking to Niall about the things I wanted to talk to my mum about. Even Sian, the best friend from hell, didn't understand what I was thinking.