Tears before 10am

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*click* *flash* what? What the hell was that? "Aren't that just the cutest thing iv ever seen" Tom? What was he doing? Better yet what time is it? "Hanson? What the hell man?" Doug shifted under my head "it's 9am, you should have reported to Jumpstreet by now, fuller sent me looking for you what the deal your laying here sleeping with Charlie?" He lifter my head softly and laid me down carefully "we got back real late last night, she didn't wanna see the movie so we sat in the park and talked a bit... She's starting to let her guard down to me, she also said she wanted to help us with Arie but I told her she couldn't till she helped herself" Doug turned on the coffee machine and it became harder for me to keep my eyes closed "she could help close this case Doug!" Tom was annoyed now... Seems like all my actions keep disappointing him "hanson I'm not going to let a girl who's hardly keeping it together as it is invest herself i an idea that Arie would be going to jail we don't know for sure that will happen!" Tom sighed heavy in reply "you know what she told me last night hanson? She felt that her life was falling apart around her! I told her she needed a way to deal with stress to distract her and she told me that what we broke the door down to find her doing is how she deals with that stress... And that she feels that's the only control she has over her life" Doug's voice began to crack due to amount of emotion in it "She said she can't even control it anymore Hanson... Do you know how hard that was to hear? My job is to protect kids and..." He had stopped and a door slammed.

It got really quiet for a moment before someone sat down beside my feet I half guessed it to be Tom because their hand rested on my thigh a smaller hand than Doug's "Charlie?" His voice sounded so soft and disappointed, I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes I didn't want to see the sadness that I knew would be in his eyes cause it sure as hell was in his voice. His hand lifted from my thigh and moves to my hand or rather the bottom of my cardigan sleeve, what the hell is he doing? Carefully he turned my arm over as he pushed the sleeve up slowly... I felt a sickness in the bottom of my stomach I felt so many things in one that I began to feel numb, Toms thumb ran over the welted scars on my arms tracing the bigger more pronounced ones "oh charlie... Why would you do this to yourself?" I could feel my heart beat getting faster as a warm set of lips touched me newer marks, as his lips rested on them I opened my eyes to see his shut and my thin wrist and forearm in his big hands when he did open his eyes and pull his lips away his eyes locked with mine "Charleen why would you do that to yourself... Why would you want to throw away the most import thing you have?" I sat up and brought my knees to my chest... It is way to early to deal with this conversation and with the guy I seem to be developing a crush on too "in case you hadn't really noticed, I don't have all that much of a life to throw away Tom, acting out was the only way I got attention but it turned into bad attention very quickly, if this is how my life's going to be for the rest of it I don't think I-" Tom put his hand over my mouth to silence me "a life is a beautiful gift Charlie, you got given a really shitty one no one can say you didn't but you can make it better you really can I mean your beautiful stunning even and you have beautiful big mossy green eyes that sparkle when your happy, but you wanna know what makes me sad?" Looking at him with tears in my eyes i was almost scared to ask him "iv never seen my really smile Charlie.... Iv never seen you laugh and mean it, iv never seen you happy and that scares me. It scares me that someone so young and who could have a full life can't even smile and mean it"

Taking toms hand away from his mouth with shaky hand I didn't know what to do, if I should hug him or cry? so I did both wrapping my arms around his mid section and rested my chin on his shoulder I let myself crumble. Every i had been wanting to keep inside me and never tell anyone came flooding out of my mouth in a sobbing mess, from the time I bite a kid in child care to the last thing I said to my mum all of it came out. Tom stayed silent the whole time and held me tight to him with one hand on the back of my head and the other on the other on my lower back "no one expect you to keep a brave face forever Charleen, it's ok to need help and it's ok to not be ok just please make me a promise that you will never ever hurt yourself like that again alright?" Nodding on his shoulder I would have agreed to do anything right now "I promise Tom"

***i know this one was kinda short but it really got me in the feels let me know if I should do more touchy emotional stuff or what? I'm open to ideas :) ***

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