Shut Up, Cinderella

The Word to Describe Him

Gem was in love with him.

The realization haunted Cinder as he returned home in the carriage. It haunted him as he lay in bed that night, back in his usual clothes, restless and sleepless. It haunted him all throughout the next day, a constant echo in his mind, vivid and vibrant and yet unreal.

Gem loved him. There was no doubt about it, no room for misunderstandings. The crown prince of the kingdom, heir to the throne, had fallen in love with him.

What now?

Cinder had acted wise around Gem, but truth be told, all his knowledge about love was secondhand at best. He had never even considered it, this idea of spending his life with another person, a lover, a partner. His parents' story had ruined it for him: the knowledge that no matter how deeply two people loved each other, life could always find a way to tear them apart and break their hearts anyway.

He had never fallen in love. He had never felt any desire to fall in love the way his parents had, and he had never found anyone worth changing his mind for. The town was small, and Cinder was busy, too busy to mess around with emotions and lovers.

At least, until now.

He had never gone looking for friends either, but Gem had become his friend anyway. So why not fall in love with him too? Romance still sounded like a hassle to him. But with Gem...maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

So, was he in love with him? And if not, could he fall for him?

Cinder didn't know. He had no experience, and feelings were a strange, elusive thing that dodged all his attempts to put them in boxes and label them. That he cared about Gem a lot was obvious. But love? The very same love that Gem felt for him?

Was that a leap he could take? Or had he done so already, stepped over the treshold and fallen without recognizing it?

Love...

How did it feel?

And even if he did reciprocate Gem's feelings, were they strong enough to make him agree to marry him?

~ ~ ~

He tried to consort his mother and Sugar Plum about it, but neither of them made any sign.

"Traitorous bunch," he muttered as he returned back to the house. And yet, deep down, he knew they were right not to show up. This was his problem to deal with, not something anyone could take from him. Not his mother, not Sugar Plum. Only he could know what was truly going on in his heart.

Except I don't, damn it! Can't anyone give me some advice?

He tried to think of the things he had read, the romantic subplots and bad love stories, but somehow they didn't speak to him any more than they had before. Then again he didn't think they were all that accurate anyway. Real love had to feel different from that cheesy melodrama, all the artificial tears and heartbreaks and the over-exaggerated passion. He still didn't believe anyone in real life truly felt that way.

Gem didn't feel like that to him, in any case. Cinder didn't feel starstruck or on fire or like all the other dramatic metaphors people came up with. His knees didn't go weak, and no butterflies danced in his stomach. It was more...around Gem he felt happier, calmer, even if he was embarrassing or annoying sometimes. It was like, around him, he could be more himself than he was with anyone else.

He could be childish. He could be silly. He could play around and let down his walls and relax. Around Gem he didn't have to be an adult, or responsible, or get anything done. He could just be.