Perpetual Existence

Four

I roar awake at the foot of the stairs, dropping to my knees instantly, catching the attention of every member of my family. They flutter around me. Question after question both verbally and in their minds, bombard me from every direction.

I grab my head, the pain so acute. "Stop!"

They still, and though my eyes are closed, I see the concern on their faces through each other's minds.

"I'll explain, but do not interrupt me." The monster within me claws and growls inside my head, demanding release. Can I hold him back? The explanation falls from between my stone lips in small bursts, my hands shaking from the control slipping through my fingers. I tell them how I killed the girl each time, every detail except for the time she was in nothing more than a pair of shorts. Too ashamed to explain that while I wanted to kill her at the moment, another desire rose to the occasion.

A snort escapes me as I realize the pun I've made in my own head. It's soon followed by a laugh, and a chuckle until I'm sobbing for their help. My brothers reach for me, lifting me to my feet. Esme wraps her arms around me, while my father cradles my face in his hands.

I can't bear to look at him; the disappointment at my failures will reflect in his eyes. I've had more than one chance to come to him, and I've allowed the monster to control me.

"Look at me, Edward."

I gather the strength I've lacked for days and see none of the disappointment I expect, just concern. His brow furrows, and I catch his astonishing thoughts.

"My eyes have flecks of red." Confusion makes pain in my chest explode. "Green?" I shrug off Jasper and Emmett's hold and head to a nearby mirror. "If I haven't drunk from her in this rotation then why do my eyes reflect that I have?"

"And why are some flecks green?" Emmett scratches his head. His thoughts, like all the others, are as chaotic as my own.

Except for Alice.

I turn to her, noticing the tightness around her closed eyes. "What is it?"

"That's why my head is hurting. It's the reason I keep rubbing my temples in these loops. I can't see past this day. The visions I did have, are of you going through these loops."

"How many are we talking about here?" Emmett asks when no one has said anything in several seconds. "A few dozen or so before Eddie gets it under control and doesn't kill her?" He shrugs. "I don't know about anyone else, but I'd be having fun with this. When else are you going to be able to do whatever you want without any consequences?"

I try to control my anger as it punches through my bloodlust. "I keep killing her over and over again. How is that a good thing?"

"We're here, aren't we? I'm guessing, already this loop...rotation, or whatever, is changing you. You know she's out there, but you're here trying to fight the urge to find her. I mean, yeah it sucks, and you're a gloomy little shit as it is, and this is probably going to make you unbearable, but you're fighting it."

"I can't believe I'm going to say this, but he's right, Edward." Jasper clasps my shoulder. "All we have to do is keep you here, and as long as you don't kill her, maybe it will stop this phenomenon."

The phone rings in the foyer, and Carlisle goes to answer it. Other than the hospital, there're very few who know our phone number. His eyes widen as the dispatcher explains the chief's daughter has been in a car accident. She'll be en route to the hospital within minutes, and will likely require surgery. The dispatcher lists the extent of her injuries and vitals and says the chief is begging him to meet the ambulance there.

"She's lost a lot of blood, Sir. She's dying, Dr. Cullen."

Every head snaps in my direction. The phone falls from Carlisle's hand as I push Rosalie and Emmett into a wall. Alice and Jasper send splinters of wood everywhere, their bodies smashing the staircase as I send them through with a couple of solid punches. Carlisle pushes Esme aside, his hands landing on my shoulders, calling out, "Edward!"

The monster smirks as I twist my body, my back against his, my hands around his head. "Maybe tomorrow."

I land on my knee, breaking his back and making Esme scream. He'll live.

I run out the door and past my car, knowing I'm faster. She's going to die anyway, and I'm going to hell. I may as well do it thoroughly.

Earn my place in the seventh circle.

.

.

.

I reach the crash site within minutes of the call. Two EMTs are working hard to save the girl as her gurgles echo out. She's punctured a lung. There's no saving her, I reason. Instinct has me killing four firefighters first; they are the lucky ones, dying quick. The others don't fare so well. I grab a service weapon from one of our illustrious officers as I break his neck, shoot two bystanders in the chest, and the girl's father; his blood splattering over her and all the casualties. "I'm sorry," I whisper as I meet her eyes.

The EMTs look up and stop what they're doing. The woman is young, Latina, and she reaches for a tiny cross around her neck. She mutters something in Spanish and closes her eyes, already aware of what I am. I hit the side of her head, my aim precise enough to kill her in one blow. The other EMT, a man in his thirties, with a pregnant wife at home, is dead with one swift kick.

The girl's dark eyes are nearly hidden under her droopy lids. A bubble of blood spurts out of the corner of her mouth, her teeth and lips are covered in it. "Why?" she asks, whimpering in pain.

I wipe away her father's blood from her cheek, surprising myself with the gentle sweeps of my thumb. "It's what I am. It's in my nature."

Her eyes struggle to remain open as I lift her into my arms, each one dilated and unfocused. The pain she must be in has to be excruciating. "My name is Isabella Marie Swan, you killed my father...prepare to die..." She giggles and passes out.

I run with her in my arms, gorging on a few mouthfuls of her blood.

Then, her heart stops and it starts all over.