Perpetual Existence

A Day?

I continue to play Bella's Lullaby for what feels like hours, her head on my shoulder. Sensing she's hiding her tears from me, and her pain, I keep going. A kick to my groin is what I deserve, thousand times over.

"Bella." My whisper breaks through the notes as her lips press to the curve of my shoulder.

She lifts herself off the seat enough to grant me another kiss, this time to the side of my neck. The feel of her skin on mine elicits a shiver of desire—lust, other than for blood, pools in my stomach. More of her warmth encompasses my heart, and for the first time in over eighty years, I swear the once-dead organ beats in my chest. It flips when she continues her delicious torture. It only feels this way because I can't return in kind. It hasn't always been easy for her to talk to me in this space in-between life and death.

She hid from me the first few times, for a good reason. The hunger had lingered back then. Now, it doesn't register. Yet, I know the beast stands to watch—not to wait for his chance to kill her again, but to drink from the well of her body. It merely wants to protect her and even me.

A part of me wants to stay in this dark place, yet I know our reality, no matter the strange phenomenon, will intrude.

"Damn," Bella hisses.

The fringes of darkness close in on us, only to brighten as we're thrown into another Monday.

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"So, now we know not to cross the parking lot while you look into my eyes." Bella bats her lashes, her smile infectious.

"No, it's your turn this time. My turn had failed spectacularly. We can always try again." It's strange to look forward to something again when it means that she'll have to die for it to happen.

The touch of her hand doesn't startle me. I know her enough to realize she becomes concerned if all of a sudden, I stare off into space.

"Where did you go?" She cocks her head to look at me questionably, and I wish I could get off the road to kiss her.

"It feels wrong to want you to die just for us to have time to explore this thing between us."

She nods. "Makes sense; you'd be an asshole if it didn't mess with your head. We have time before it drives me crazy, you probably a bit more time."

"I hadn't even considered what this could do to your psyche. How can you even say you love me?"

"Easy, I love you." She points at a road sign indicating how many miles to the Kingston Trail. "The words may be easy for me to say, but they don't mean any less."

I don't know what to say to that, other than the words themselves. The last time I did that in this perpetual reality, a car hit us. Too distracted by the love I'd seen reflected in her eyes.

"We're not going to school?" It's a stupid question since she wants to go for a hike.

"Can you please take me to the meadow? I didn't get to enjoy its beauty the last time you took me there."

I can't deny her.

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"I forget how fast you can run." Bella's knees wobble as I set her on the ground, a good excuse as any to keep my hands on her. She doesn't seem to mind and knowing this makes the beast inside me pull back.

Only slightly, though. I can never forget that it's always ready to be unleashed.

She looks around, a small smile on her soft lips. "The scent reminds me of those few times in the in-between where you created this space to ignore me."