The Hanahaki Disease | ShigaDabi fanfic

~x~ Chapter 1 - Where I Belong ~x~

     My name is Tomura Shigaraki. Yeah, the chapped lips villain. But this story isn't about me being a villain, well sorta, but that's not the point. I have hanahaki, and it's because I love someone, a male, and I'm a male.
    Do you see my problem? No? Ok, let me explain in further detail. All for one, he can kill me any time he wants, and he's very homophobic.

    When I was 9, a villain told me she got a girlfriend. I was confused and asked all for one why she was dating a girl. All for one didn't look very happy and told me to not worry about it, the next day she was gone.
    3 days later I saw her dead body while I was watching the news with all for one. He just chuckled and said that she was the funniest kill he's ever done, while I sat in silence terrified at what I was witnessing.

    Yeah, terrible right? All because she fell in love with "the wrong gender". Why the hell should gender matter?! That's pure bullshit if someone judges someone else because of their lovers' gender. I know I'm a villain, but that's just plain out disrespectful.
    Annnnd I got off track, dammit. Anyways, you see what I'm dealing with? I am gay, all for one will kill me for that. I have hanahaki, I'm gonna die by stupid flowers.

    I don't know what to do...
I need help... But who? Who will know what my pain is? Who will understand what I'm going through? Who can I tell that won't judge me?

...

    Should I go to him? He'll understand...
    But will he turn me in for being a villain?

I...

    I never wanted to be a villain... I never wanted to harm another soul. Should I go to him?

I think that...

    I think that I'll go to him... I'll go and if he turns me in, I'll just let it happen.

I deserve it anyway.

    I'll go tonight, but I want to see if anyone will come with me first.

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    "Hey, shiggy! Whatcha wanna talk about?" Toga asked as she and Dabi sat on my bed. "Yeah, but make this quick. Toga put pizza rolls in the oven on 600 degrees and it might burn the building down." Dabi said while glaring at Toga. "Ok so it might catch fire, but the adults can handle it! Now tell us what you wanted to say!" Toga said.
    "Maybe this is a bad idea, what if they don't wanna come with me? What if they tell All for one that I'm gonna leav-?!" I thought but was interrupted by my hands being slapped.
    "Don't scratch your neck! You're gonna open scabs!" Toga shouted at me. "Oh, I didn't mean to. I was just thinking." I mumbled. "Spit it out. If it bothers you this much, then tell us already." Dabi said, looking actually worried.

    "I.. I don't want to be a villain anymore," I said and scrunched my eye's closed. After I got no response I thought that I should continue, but still not opening my eyes.
    "I'm done hurting innocent people, I'm done listening to All for one, this place... doesn't make me feel at home and I want to leave. That's why I'm leaving, tonight. Do you guys want to come with me?" I asked, finally opening my eyes.

    The first thing that caught my attention was Toga's concentration. Then it went away and changed into a sad like happy face, "I'll come with you." She said. "Wait really?!" I asked.
    "Yeah, I don't like hurting people for their blood, and then becoming them for a reason I'm not okay with." Toga explained, and I gave her a sweet smile.

    "I'm coming too. I only came here because I had no other place to go where my father wouldn't find me. I never really intended to become a villain." Dabi explained.
    "Yes! I'm so glad I'm not the only one that feels misplaced." I said as I fell back onto my bed. "Yeah, same. Anyways, where are we gonna go? We're only 16, and are faces are known." Toga asked curiously, making me sit up.

    "You guys might not like this plan, but I'm planning on going to a U.A teacher that I used to know." I explained.

    "What?! No way are we going to do that! All the teachers there are pro heroes!" Dabi argued.

    I sighed, "Don't worry too much, this hero isn't like the others. If we explain our situation, he'll hopefully understand. He understands that all people's pasts are different and cause different outcomes, so he won't be as judgmental. Well unless he has changed, but It doesn't look like he has that much." I explained.

    "I say let's do it! The worst that could happen is he turns us in, but I wouldn't blame him!" Toga said, and we both looked at Dabi for an answer.
    "Ugh, fine. I'll come with you. Anything is better than living a life in a place where you don't belong." Dabi explained. Toga and I smiled, and we stayed in comfortable silence for a while.

    Until Dabi broke it. "Who is the teacher that might accept us? You never told us." Dabi asked. "I guess I didn't. Well, his name is Aizawa, he's the pro hero Eraserhead," I explained.
    "Him? Doesn't he like, I don't know, hate kids?" Toga asked. "Well, he did. Thanks to me. But! His new class has changed him to his old ways." I explained. "Yeah, they have," Dabi muttered.

    "Um, when exactly are we leaving? I really don't wanna be here much longer." Toga said. "11:30 tonight, so in 5 or so hours," I explained. "Ok, thanks!" Toga said and smiled at me. I smiled back and thought about how my plan might actually work.
    "But I shouldn't get my hopes up.. he might just arrest us on spot or just make us go away without even turning us in, leaving us nowhere to go." I thought, and my smile faded.

    "Hey, look at me... we're going to be alright. Ok? We can't give up yet. We barely just started." Dabi said and smiled at me.

    "He is so nice, handsome, and his smile is so warm." I thought and felt my throat tickle from the inside. "Um, you guys need to go pack! And get ready! We only have 5 hours, and we shouldn't waste any time! So go get your stuff and at 11:30 come back and we can leave, bye!" I said and pushed them out the door. "Wait-!" Toga shouted, right before I closed and locked the door.
    Once I heard their footsteps walking away, I ran to my trash can and let the flowers come hurling out of my mouth, with some blood along with that. "Shit. Ugh! I wasn't paying attention to where my thoughts were going! Dammit!" I shouted, and after a while I started to cry while I leaned against the wall, holding the trash can that's filled with blood and flowers that faded from golden to white.

    "Why did I have to fall in love? Why couldn't it just be a simple crush that would just go away? And why did It have to be a boy nonetheless? I hate my life... I hate it. I hate it. I hate it!
    I hate everything! I hate my hanahaki! I hate that it's a boy that I like! And I absolutely hate the fact that I left Aizawa!

    I could have stayed with him when he found me that day. I was so scared and alone and I had just killed my family. He found me and kept me close to him for a year.
    And then I fucked up! I accidentally killed a kid! And I ran away before he could lock me up in jail. I shouldn't have run away. He already knew, he knew that when he first met me that I might accidentally kill someone... and he still kept me. But I ran away before I found out!

    When I found all for one, and he told me all his shitty lies I believed him! I then went with him and I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have run away, and I know that now.

    I knew that starting from when we first fought Aizawa's class when he saw me- when he saw that I was attacking with the villains, I saw a hint of sadness and guilt.
    And when he fought the nomu, what he did.. what he said. That was when I regretted everything, and when I realized that what I was doing was wrong.

    All because he mouthed the words 'you will always be forgiven by me'. I don't want to believe him, I don't know why but I just won't, I-I can't." I mumbled while crying even more tears.

    "I wanna go home... but I don't know where that is," I mumbled and remembered a quote I saw once. "Home is where the heart is," I repeated.
    "But I lost my heart many years ago, so how can I find it now?" I asked myself and sighed. "I should start packing, I don't wanna be here longer than I should be," I mumbled, wiping away my tears and rubbing the blood off my lips, still there from earlier. I then got up off the ground and started packing.