High On Life

39: Affliction

He had taken me outside the gate far away from everyone and I just couldn't absorb all that I was hearing from him. I felt my senses become numb as painful and equally dreadful images of Nida flashed across my mind.

"Beta. Shehry !" He shook me all of a sudden, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I felt my breaths become heavier realizing Aunty....did not have much time left.

"Shehry, tum...tum meri Nida ke saath raho ge na? Uss ko..."

I cut him midway. "Uncle....Aunty kis condition mein hain? I..I have to go talk to her." I was about to walk off but he grabbed my arm, pulling me back to him.

Tears now rapidly escaped his eyes as I stood there speechless. I just pulled him into a hug as he weeped over my shoulder.

I spoke, addressing him with his rightful title. "P..papa. Mein apni Nida ko kabhi kuch nahi hone doon ga. I promise. Maa aik aisi hasti jis ki jaga kabhi koi aur nahi le sakta, aur yeh...yeh gham uss pe bohat bhari par sakta hai, yeh hum dono bohat sahi se jaante hain, magar mein aapse...aapse vaada karta hun ke mein kabhi bhi usse usski maa ki kami nahi mehsoos hone doonga."

He pulled back and stared into my eyes with his painstricken ones. "Beta....ye dekh rahay ho na? Yeh haalat meri. Yehi to waja hai jo mein aaj Nida tumhaare bharosay chor raha hoon. Aik din jab yeh sab uss ke saamne aaye ga tub...beta..... tub meri bas ho chuki hogi. Mein bohat kamzor par chuka hon ga. Itna kamzor ke mein....Nida ko kia, apne aap ko bhi nahi sambhaal paaoun ga. Tub sirf tum hoge uss ke liye. Sirf....tum beta." He sobbed harder and I held his face in my hands as my heartbeats rose in fear, in pain, seeing him like this for the first time ever.

"Mein...mein martay dum tak uss ke saath rahoon ga, papa. Uss se itna pyaar karoon ga, aur uss ka itna khayaal rakhoonga ke...woh har tarha ke gham ko bhool jaye gi." I looked into his eyes which showed nothing but neverending pain for his wife. "Mein aapse yeh vaada karta hoon papa. Please mat royein. Mein bhi ro doun ga. Mein ziyada dayr aapko iss haalat mein nahi dekh sakta." I released my grip from his face and turned away as a tear unwillingly escaped my eye.

He turned me around by my shoulders. "Nahi Shehryaar. Tum...tum aise kamzor nahi par saktay !!! Tum mera gham nahi dekh saktay to kia tum Nida ka dekh paao ge? Uss ki zindagi mein sirf tum hi hoge beta...mein to...."

I cut him in between unable to hear anymore. "Papa aisi baatein kiyun kar rahay hain aap !! Aap honge uss ke saath. Mama bhi hongi uss ke saath. Allah ne unki zindagi mein zaroor koi maujza likha hoga papa. Aap...aap aise mat bolein. Please ! Please papa !" Another tear escapes my eye as I try to calm him down but how could I?

He hugged me again and I hugged him back tighter as he whispered over my shoulder. "I love her Shehry. As much as you love Nida. I keep telling her it'll be a miracle. But inside, even I know, ke yeh...yeh sab nahi ho sakta ! Cancer....cancer !!!" He fisted my blazer in his hands in deep hurt and I could literally feel his pain inside me. I mean, God forbid, it could've been my own wife....my....Nida. I wouldn't even be able to live this long and stay by her. The pain of losing her would just devour me alive.

We slowly pulled away and I held him by the shoulders and wiped the faint tear stains off his cheek. "Relax papa. I promise you... I'll give her the best I can ever try to. I'll always stand by her. Through thick and thin. In happiness and sadness. In fear and in pain. Through everything." I slowly smiled at him and expected him to smile back but he just kept looking down.

I lift his face up to mine and smile again.

Come on papa. Smile please. Once.....Apne betay ke liye. Please? I know you can.

He finally smiled slowly and I give him a thumbs up. He chuckled slightly and I hugged him.

Mama jeeyeingi, papa. Woh iss bemaari ke aagay haar nahi maanein gi. Woh chahay jitni kamzor parh gayi ho, unn mein abhi bhi kuch himmat baaqi hai. Iss sab se larne ki. Woh jeeyein gi, papa. Woh jeeyein gi....