diabla

fakey

"you sure about this"

"yes" i said.

"hold on" said andrew. he grabbed his gun from our bag and put it behind his back.

"he's not going to kill me"

"yeah but what if someone else tries to. i promised myself i wouldn't let anymore shit happen to you. you've gone through too much"

i smiled. we left the car and i walked to his grave. andrew looked from a far. i looked around eager. like a little girl waiting for her ice cream sunday. like a teenager waiting for the last bell to ring. like an adult waiting for work to finish. like a grandma who waited for her grandchild to be born.

i waited and waited. it got cold standing there. i looked at the grave. i went on my phone for a while. i rehearsed how i was gonna hug him in my head and what to say. if i should be mad, happy, sad, explode on him, be awkward. how any scenario could go down. i waited for two hours and he still hadn't shown up.

"c'mon val, he's not coming. someone tried to fuck with you" he said

"no, he's here. maybe he's just hiding or something" i said in denial that i got played

"val, listen to me. he's not here"

"yes he is"

"valerie, he's not fucking here. he died. he died 6 years ago."

"please, just 5 more minutes"

"no, i'm not gonna let you look stupid for another two hours waiting for a dead man to come and rescue you from your naiveness" he said

i started to cry.
"DON'T YOU THINK I ALREADY FEEL STUPID. IM THE ONE WHO ACTUALLY BELIEVED IT." i snapped on him

"i'm sorry" he whispered

i hugged him and he hugged me back.
"let's get you home, val"

i nodded. the entire car ride i felt numb as tears fell down my cheek but i didn't feel anything. we got to my house and i went to cameron's room. i got into her bed and she hugged me without even being awake. i looked at her and played with her hair. i have to move on. for cameron. i have to forget him or that the belief of him being alive. for cameron's sake and my own. i felt a tear fall. i wiped it. that's the last fucking tear i'll shed for ethan dolan. as much as i adored him. i love you ethan. but you're gone and we have a kid. even if you are alive you KNEW we were going to have one. you even told me to name her cameron. if you were breathing you would try to come see her sooner.
________

"happy birthday to you" a bunch of people said entering cameron's room. i opened my eyes to have my eyes attacked by bright phone lights. i sat up and fixed my hair. i saw cameron holding a small cake. Andrew, Jonathan, Presley, aubree, delilah, giselle and jeremy were around singing too. i smiled. cameron gave me the cake. she was already changed and her hair was done. it was kind of messy. andrew must've done it.
"happy birthday to you, happy birthday day valerie, happy birthday to you" they sang

i smiled.
"blow out the candles" said cameron.

i blew them out. 26 years old. cameron took the candles out of the cake.