Only Human Twilight

20

If I'd known exactly how to work the ancient car, I would have insisted upon driving home. As it were, I wasn't at all sure about Edward's mental state. He hadn't said a word since we'd driven away from the hospital.

Nevertheless, we returned to the house in one piece. Edward moved slowly, as if in a daze. I walked cautiously behind him as we went into the house, and he headed up the stairs. I wasn't sure if he wanted me to come along, but I followed him into his bedroom anyway. Immediately, he sat down on the bed and buried his face in his hands like he did every time he was upset.

"Edward?"

When he looked up at me, his eyes were haunted. "I'm scared, Bella."

That admission opened the floodgates between us. I went to him without a thought, wrapping my arms around his torso as I sunk onto the bed next to him. "I know. I'm scared, too."

"What do I do, Bella? Everything is falling apart..."

He held me so tightly that it was hard to breathe, but I squeezed myself closer nevertheless, running my hands over his back in a gesture that was a touch too frantic to be soothing. "We still have each other, Edward. It's going to be fine." I had to think many years into the future to make the statement true.

"And if it's not?" His lips brushed against my neck where he'd buried his head as he spoke. "I can't lose you, too...the thought alone is unbearable. And what if something happens to me? Who will take care of you?"

"Shh," I hushed him, dragging my fingers through his untidy hair. He hadn't even had time to comb it this morning. I couldn't bear thinking about leaving him now. Maybe I would make it back to my Edward, but he would have to wait eighty-seven years to catch up to me. It didn't seem fair that he should experience the long years of loneliness...but none of this had ever been very fair to him.

"Don't think of it," I told him. "We can't worry about the things we have no control over. It will drive us insane."

"I know you're right, but I can't help it," he said brokenly. He pulled away just far enough to look me in the eye. "I can't stop thinking about it."

"Then don't think," I said impulsively, taking his face between my hands, forcing myself to keep looking into his pained eyes. "Just feel. Focus on here and now."

And I kissed him the way I'd always tried and failed to kiss him in my time – throwing all my strength, all my thought, all my emotions into the experience.

He responded readily, burying his hands in my hair that still hung free. His mouth opened under mine, hot and willing. I tangled my tongue with his, even as he nudged me back to lie on the bed. His body settled over mine, a warm weight that pressed us together. I could feel every inch of him, from thighs to chest, matching up to me like a connecting puzzle piece.

His hands, for the first time, began to move over my body in earnest, sliding up my sides, tracing around my breasts. He pulled away from my mouth, gasping for air.

"Bella – I – is this...?"

"Don't stop," I said simply. I could be the eloquent one for once. To emphasize my point, I brought his mouth back to mine for another desperate kiss. I would not stop for the world; I had decided. If my time with this human Edward was running short, I was going to make the most of it.

His lips moved to my jaw, caressing the line from my lips to my ear, and he dared to finally touch my breasts. I moaned automatically as his thumbs brushed over my stiffened nipples. He groaned, the sound fluttering against my skin in a warm breath of air. I wanted to feel it again and again. I wanted the sensation of every sigh, every moan to stay with me forever. I wanted to know every inch of him and burn that onto my memory for all eternity.