Wicked Games

The Zone

I drive to work on Monday morning g wondering how Brandon is going to act. Hell, I'm wondering how I'm going to act myself. I'm truly conflicted and I have no idea what I should do. I wonder if Brandon is even going to talk about it? Or if he'll want to try and brush what happened under the rug in order to not have his girlfriend find out? Who knows. As pissed at myself as I am, I spent the rest of the weekend fantasizing about what would have happened if Alex hadn't come out of her room.
I can't believe how warm his hands felt on me as he was touching me. I wanted nothing more than to feel that touch again. When he's single of course. IF he's ever single. I mean seriously what if he isn't even planning on leaving his girlfriend? Then what? Do I tell her? Is that like girl code? Ugh. I can't believe I let this happen.
I don't even realize that I've arrived at work already, parked, and have entered the building since I was so lost in my thoughts. The only thing that breaks me out of them is Alex running up to me in the hallway.
"Good morning bestie" she coos.
"Hey" I smile back.
We start walking to our desks when she says "Okay you have to spill. You wouldn't tell me what happened this weekend but I'm so curious. You have to tell me before he comes into work"
"Ugh. I don't know. One minute we were arguing about who was going to sleep on the couch and the next I was dry humping him on the air mattress...."
"Woah hahaha so you two just what? Made out and did some groping?"
"Well...he kinda pulled off my shirt and Was going to do some other things before you came down"
"Oh shit, do you think it would've went further if I hadn't left my room?"
"Probably, I was like lost in a daze. I haven't felt like that in a long time. But he cheated and with me like how am I supposed to feel?"
*ahem* Brandon cleared his throat behind us.
Oh shit. Did he hear what I just said?
"Oh hey good morning!" Alex chirps and then turns back to her computer.
I turn around and half face him waiting for him to say something to me.
"Hey, how was Uh, the rest of your weekend?" He says without looking at me.
"Oh um good, how about you?"
"Nothing special I just relaxed, ya know?"
"Yeah...."
There was an awkward silence before we both turned back to our computers.
That how it was for the rest of the morning. We only spoke when we needed to and just kept working. Typically we would all laugh and joke around for a few minutes throughout the day, but today there was obvious tension.
I found myself zoning out and just looking down at my desk in the afternoon and so I decided to go grab a cup of coffee in the break room. On my way back to my desk I felt an arm pull me into a small closet.
"Hey! What the hell—"
"Shhhhh Iz, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you but I didn't think you'd talk to me if I had just asked."
It was Brandon. And oh, was this closet small. We were forced to stand only a foot apart.
"Well how do you expect me to feel?"
"I don't know... but I'd like to know how you do feel"
I just stared at him. What was I going to say? That I like him? I hadn't even admitted that to myself. That I'm pissed he cheated on his girlfriend with me? Things were already awkward.
"Brandon... I.... I really don't know. I'm in a tough spot. I mean... you're with someone. So I'm not sure how much I truly get to feel right now."
"I know I fucked up Iz. I shouldn't have don't anything with you before I officially end things with Rachel...."
So he hasn't done it yet.
"...but I couldn't help myself. I mean I tried. I tried to stop you from moving but—"
"You're blaming me?!"
"NO. Not at all." Brandon takes a step forward and rests a hand on my cheek, "none of this is your fault. It's mine and I'm going to try and fix it. If you'll let me."
"I don't know what 'fix it' means"
He lets his hand drop from my cheek, "I don't know either. Yet. But I'm going to figure it out."
I just look at him. In this moment, I'm more confused than ever. I don't even know what Brandon wants. To sleep with me? To date me? Who knows. All I know is that nothing more can happen between us until he's single.
He makes eye contact with me, waiting for me to respond.
I just slightly nod my head and then look down.
Brandon slowly steps around me and leaves the closet, closing the door behind him. I back myself up against a wall and sliding down to a sitting position.
What is going on? And what the hell am I going to do? Do I wait for him? Do I wait until his girlfriend and him are over and then see what happens? What do I even want to happen?
I chuckle to myself. I know what my body wants. It was very obvious by how much I get turned on, even when he's only a few feet away. But what does my heart want? Can I trust him? I mean he just cheated on his girlfriend. I shake my head and stand up. You don't even know if he wants you in a dating type of way. Stop overthinking it.
I exit the closet and head back to my desk where Brandon is still working and Alex is too. I sit down and we all start joking about something our boss said in an earlier meeting. Maybe everything can still be fine between us? He's seems to be fine, now that we've talked.
~
A few days go by at work like normal. We're back to being our usual selves. I'm glad. I didn't want anything to be awkward at work no matter what ends up happening between Brandon and I, if anything. It's Friday and I'm happy cause it seems like this week is turning around. I smile as I walk to the bathroom and when I go to exit someone is standing outside the door. It's Brandon.
"Hey sorry, I didn't want to be creepy but I wanted to talk to you and Alex hasn't left her desk in awhile..."
"Oh um okay. Do you want to go over here?" I point to the little conference room across the hall.
"Uh sure..." he replies.
We walk into the conference room. There's no windows in this room since it's just meant for four people to collaborate. I stand near the far side of the table. Brandon comes in after me and shuts the door behind himself.
He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks at me and then at the floor. I cross my arms over my chest. I'm getting uncomfortable. Things were fine between us and now I'm starting to feel like he's being weird again. It's been several seconds of silence and Brandon continues to look at the floor.
I have to break this awkwardness, "so what did you want to talk about?" I ask nicely.
He glances up at me and.... blushes?
"I um well I was thinking about what happened between us and uh well you know how I said I wanted to fix things?"
"Yeah..." where was he going with this? Does he not want to fix things now? Does that mean he's fixing things with his girlfriend?
"I, well. Fuck I'm really nervous. I don't know how to say this"
He's staying with her.
I feel my face redden with anger. Some tears come to my eyes and I look away so he won't see.
"Are you crying? Fuck Iz. No, please don't cry. What did I say?" He says all of this as he comes to stand in front of me. Concern is all over his features as he lifts his hand and places a finger under my chin to tilt my head. He gently moves my head up til I am forced to make eye contact with him. I know my eyes are watery and he'll be able to tell.
"Tell me what I said wrong... please" he whispers.
My voice is shaky as I reply "you didn't say anything wrong. But I know what you were about to say. It's okay I understand"
"You understand what?"
"That you want to stay with her" as the words leave my mouth I take a step back and let his hand fall from my chin.
"You thought I was going to tell you that I want to be with Rachel?"
I nod my head avoiding eye contact with him.
He suddenly takes two big steps and pushes me against the wall with his body. We're flush up against one another as his hand snakes around my head and the other catches my leg and hitches it around his hip. My back barely hits the wall before his lips are on mine. Heat corses through my body and I hesitate for a second before losing control and kiss him back.
"God Izzie I've missed the way you feel against me" he says as he moves his way down to kiss my neck.
Fuck. What is happening?
I shove him off of me. He looks shocked and then confused.
"I'm sorry I thought—"
"You thought what? That because ypicheated once with me that you could do it again?"
"No I—"
"Save it Brandon. I won't be that girl."
I head towards the door. Brandon grabs my wirst and twirls me back around to face him.
"I know you aren't that girl. Earlier, I wanted to talk to you because I wanted to tell you that I plan on fixing all of this by finally getting Rachel out of my life. For good. I was dragging my feet before cause she's the only girl I've been with. In every way. But izzie, you... you light me up in a way I've never felt before."
I suck in a breath.
"Say something... please" he begs.
"I don't know what to say Brandon. I don't know what you want from me. But all I know is I think for now, until you've made a decision and actually do it, whatever it is, then I think we should stay away from each other."
"That's kind of hard... don't you think?"
"Just coworkers"
"For now? Until things are done between Rachel and me?"
"Maybe... I don't know. I don't know what this is."
He just nods and runs a hand through is hair as he looks at the ground.
I take that as his reply and I leave. I go back to the bathroom to check my makeup and make sure it doesn't look like I've been tearing up. I head back to my desk and Brandon isn't there.
"Where'd he go?" I ask Alex.
"Said he was sick and boss told him to go home" she shrugs.
"Oh...."
"Yeah but anyways I invited a few people back over this weekend. Everyone said they had so much fun. You in?"
"Yeah, why not!" I say.
There's no way Brandon will be there since he left early and Alex couldn't have gotten a chance to invite him that quickly.
"Cool, I'm thinking the same time as last time?"
"Yeah that works for me!"
Thank god. I needed plans this weekend especially cause I know if I just sat at home, I'd think about Brandon and how he just kissed me.