Incubus

|| - 3

In the morning I wake up with my head pressed against a pillow. Slowly I get aware of two things: the morning song from the birds outside and the smell of food. I turn around and feel my body hurting so good. My muscles are sour, but each time one of them tenses it feels right. I open my eyes and see the ceiling. In an instant, I know that I am the most satisfied I have ever been. The colors I see are magnificent. That's what I call bliss.

I let my head fall to the sight and I fall. So this is the moment I learn that even an incubus is not safe from heartbreak. The bed beside me is empty. I sit up and look around. On the small table is a tablet with a fresh breakfast. The hard-boiled egg is still steaming hot, but Thomas things are gone. The only set of clothes next to the tablet is mine. The door to the balcony is slightly open letting cold morning air inside.

I slide off the bed and walk up to my clothes, get my phone out of my jeans pocket and check it for texts. There is just one from Mick telling me to have good night and that he will go to sleep now, but he is still available if I need something. No text from Thomas. The fact that has my number but doesn't know it is my number doesn't lift my mood. He fucking left. It is nice that he got me breakfast, but I would have passed on breakfast for waking up beside him.

Fuck, they were all correct. I have a crush on Thomas. I have fallen for this big, beautiful piece of shit. I sit back down on the bed, take the breakfast and start to eat it. It is delicious and I am sure everyone else would find this to be a nice gesture from him, but I am not romantic enough to appreciate it while he isn't here.

After I finished breakfast and showered, I dress, get my stuff and the keycard and walk out of the hotel room. In the lobby, the guy behind the reception wishes me a good morning and the only thing I want to do is kill this guy. I give him the keycard and wait for him to tell me how much I have to pay, but he just wishes me a good day and that he hopes I liked the stay.

'The hotel was good but the staff is shitty', I think, but I just nod and leave the hotel. The whole way home I can't shake this feeling off. It's too big to grasp for me and it pulls me down, almost suffocates me and at the same time, it lifts me up and creates room for me to breathe. I don't know what it is but right now I am not happy about it. Thankfully it is finals week and I just have to go to university when I write an exam because otherwise, I would be too late even for the second lecture.

The next exam is tomorrow and I should study for that but right now there is nothing I care less about. I just lie in my bed, stare through the window and let my thought run wild. Why am I feeling like this? If this is what heartbreak feels like then I would have rather stayed without it, without love or at least have real love before that because the only thing I experienced so far is the best sex in my life with a man who obviously doesn't like me. Why does this happen to me? What is so special about me that I need to suffer this much?

Mom and dad taught me how to excel in giving pleasure and seeing beauty in everything. They never taught me how to deal with disappointment and longing something I don't have. The only thing that comes close is the one time my dad was stargazing with me and he said:

"The stars, they are so beautiful. I could stare at them for hours each night. It is a shame that I never will see them up close. Then again they are probably more beautiful from afar anyway and not as dangerous."

But that is not helping me at all. Hours go by. Then suddenly my phone rings. I don't remember turning the volume up. It is a text from Mick asking how my night with Thomas went. The winking emoji throws me off and I decide to ignore his message. I think I just need a little more time before I can talk about it with someone. I first have to figure out where I stand.