"Terry, give me a damn health or stamina upgrade." said Shadow. "What do I look like, a potion seller?" said Terry. "Yeah if he was not wearing a shirt, and had well toned abs on biceps, recently overcame a chronic pornography addiction, and was a mascot of a deodorant company for years." said Shadow. "Fair enough." said Terry. "SENTRY GOIN UP!" said Sheen, beating Shadow with a wrench until he was level 2. "Yeah?" said Shadow. "Sorry, I need a dispenser so I can get more metal." said Sheen. "Damn you guys, I'm gonna go look for the next recruit." said Shadow, teleporting out of there. "COOL HE'S GONE, I'M GONNA LOOK THROUGH HIS WALLET!" said Sheen.
Shadow teleported to Kretmi's laboratory's dooratory. "Knock knock nigga." said Shadow. "Who is it- I mean uh go away this is just a totally normal broom closet! There's most certainly not some laboratory where I do moments of science in behind here, so don't open it. Thanks have a good day." said a mysterious voice from behind the door. "We can do this the easy way," said Shadow, cocking his gun. "Or the hard way." "FINE fine, hold on." said Kretmi, opening the door. "Oh HEY! YOU! I know you! You're the guy on the 'Nice Cock' sign I saw in the bathroom!" said Kretmi. "Nice Cock." said Shadow. "Thanks, I appreciate the positivity, care for some Kretamine?" said Kretmi.
"Look frog man, I need you to join my basketball team so I can revive this dead girl with magic powers or some shit." said Shadow. "Bringing back the dead? Why didn't you just say so! ʸᵒᵘ ˡᶦᵗᵗˡᵉ ᶠᵘᶜᵏᶦⁿᵍ ᶠᵘʳʳʸ ᵈᵉᵍᵉⁿᵉʳᵃᵗᵉ The machine's right over here." said Kretmi, bringing him 2 feet north northwest of their previous location. "BEHOLD!" said Kretmi, killing a stink bug. "Y'know I fucking hate these little fuckers. They're everywhere and they stink up the place. Y-you know what i'm not even gonna bring him back. You'll just have to take my word that the machine can bring people back to life. "NGAH!" said Shadow, thrusting Maria's corpse into the machine. "...Do- Do you just carry that with you at all times?" said Kretmi, starting up the machine. "Is that gonna be a problem?" said Shadow. "Nononono, I was just... -just curious..." Replied Kretmi.
"Want some chowder while we wait?" asked Kretmi. "..." said Shadow. "Pffft. So dramatic.." said Kretmi. Shadow then went to the bathroom and flushed a double flusher once. When he came back the timer was about to go off. "HERE IT COMES!" said Kretmi. The machine's doors opened and a cloud of steamy steam filled the room. "MARIA!?" said Shadow. "There she is, good as new, that'll be ten thousand dollars." said Kretmi. "Kretmi?" asked Shadow. "Sorry no refunds." said Kretmi. "Call me stupid, but I don't remember Maria's toes being on her forehead, and I also don't think she had 3 ears and one boob." said Shadow. "Maybe she just went through puberty stupid, you don't know." said Kretmi.
"E̸̵̶̴̡̯̘̞̰̲̬̮̦͈̺̜̭̳̲͙̙̖̱̊̆̐ͥ̓ͥ͂̆̚ͅEͩͥͮ̆́͐̔ͤ͋̎̄҉̱̫̹͖̯̲̻̟̣̳̳͝ͅẼ̸̵̠̘̮͈̺͇̪͎̦̰͖͇͈̬͎ͬ̇̊ͭ͒̾ͦ͌ͣ̉̒ͯ̊̕͜͡Ȩ͕̥̰̺͎̞̰̠ͯͫ͑͗̋̊̐̽̂͛͌͗͆̍͌ͫ́̕͠Ẻ̸̥͙̭͈͇͈̉͋̑ͫͦ͂̓ͭ̎͗ͦ̎͊̏͐̏̓̚͟ͅE̸̡̛̙̹̩̓ͩ͐̑́E̵̡̨̛͕̟͙͓̺͎͓͔͈͖̯̝̞̟̒ͩ̂̈́ͫ̔ͯͮ̌ͤͬ̽ͯ̓ͩͭͅͅĚ̷̵͍͚̟̥̮̤͓̪͇̼̅̒ͭͩͨͬ̐ͤ̑̈́̏̂̒̉̇̇Ḛ̛̤̯͔̗̮̘͓̩̮̬̮̰̲̣̺̀ͯͫ̉ͦ̄̌̋ͧ͟E̶̺̪͇̼̭̜̪͍̼̞̤̖̘̬ͮ͋͌̐̏͒̽̆̔̅̓̀ͮͭ̐̃̀͡E̗̮̹̜̱̺͖̱̠ͦͭͧ̐ͦ̉̇̅͊͆ͥͥͯ̏̃̿̑ͩ͛́͟͟͡ͅE̢̪̘͓̹̞̮̠͈͐͒͗̈́ͧͮͪ̀̿̉ͬ̎ͭ̄̀̀̚͞E̢̽̏̉ͤ͗̄͌͂ͩ̈͐ͮͯ̒̀ͫͭ̂̐҉̡̪̰̥͓̱̞̳͍̫̰̟̞͔̱̀Ḙ̛̙̦͚͕̜͚̞̰̳̯̰̲͎̝̈́ͪ̾͌͋̎̓̄̅̓ͣ́E̢̛ͬͦͬ̈̍̿̉ͪ͂̃̈́ͭ̐ͫͥͮ̚͞҉̱̲͍̺͇͖͈͓̟͙̣̜̯͖̤̲Ȩ̸͙̰̹̭̭̬͈̤̏ͪ͛ͪ̍ͮ͆ͧ͠͡Eͦ̉̇̑̽̍̂҉̴̰̼̺̥̙̣͘E̘͕̙̼͙̫̳̪̝͖̯̝̜͉̤̥̒̎ͧ̿ͩ͂̃̅ͤ͌̒̃̇̈́̊ͥ̃̀͡͝ͅͅĘ̘͇̘̼͇͔͍̣̩̏͂̏ͮ̓̆̑͋̊ͩ̀͠ͅE̴̻̟̟͍͚̗̰̬̠͉͙̤͍͉̫ͦ̄͛̌̃̽̄̊̒̈́̋͛́̿̓͆ͣ͟E̶̢̩͉̻̗̹͕̻͔̞̘̺̼͙̗̖̰ͥ̋ͣ͋ͯ̐̋ͭ̒̒̓Ȩ̲͙̼̣̩͈̼͚̫̞͚̬͕̹͇̂͊̒̒͒͋ͮͯͯ̅͢Ḛ̵̖̠͉̯͚̯̲͊ͭ͑ͤ̓ͪ̓͛̇͌̄̚̕E̘̱̼͔̰͉̦͕͚ͯ̀̍̅̉ͨ͞Ȩ̸̸͎̠͙̳̰͎̭̺̩̖̺͉͉͙̰̣̩̤ͦ͐ͬͦ͒͛̋̔ͫ͐̿̔͢͝Ē̙̭̗̱̪̳͔̝̯̬̞̫̽̒̇̂̅̿̾͊͌̑ͯͪ̿́͜ͅĘ̵͔̞̘̱̫̅͆͊ͪͬ̆͆̂̈̒ͩͩ̓̎̄̚̚E̖͖̼͉̗̜̦̜̦̖ͦͪ̔ͯ̽̓̀͢͠͡Eͭ̿̏̽ͨ͌̊ͣͨ͒̑̕҉̛͚̦̻͉͓̪͖͔̤̤̳ͅE̱̯̳̬̙̲͇̲͖͔͕̞̠̦̎̐́̇̌̾̕͞ͅĘ̴̞͖̞̗͕͓͇̭̩͙̙̲͍͚̥̘͖̼̓̃͗̅́̐͆ͣ͋̋̋̑̈́͐Ę͉̭̰͚͇̺̩̤̭̪͉̎͑̓̀̉̈́̃̋ͦ̀͒̕͢" Said Maria.
"See? I told you she was fine now gimmee money." said Kretmi, as 'Maria' lunged forward and started to beat him to death. "AGH HELP!" said Kret. "CHAOS- actually I'll let this happen for a little bit and then stop it." said Shadow.
"CHAOS CONTROL!" said Shadow, causing 'Maria' to 'die' 'again.' "Look what you made me do to her beautiful body..." said Shadow. "Beautiful? Hate to break it to you, but she was a rotting corpse and also I need the money now or I am going to die in a shootout with the IRS." said Kretmi. "No dice. You've fucked up. Now you either join me or get hurt." said Shadow. "RDM! RDM! RDM! ADMIN HELP! ADMIN!" screeched Kretmi. "Vibe check." said Shadow, knocking him unconscious. "Guess I can check that one off the list." said Shadow. Suddenly there was a knocking at the door. "IRS, open up. Kretmi, you better have the money, or this is not gonna end well. I have brought 6 armed men with me." said a voice. "Looks like that's my cue to exit stage right." said Shadow, exiting stage z axis.
"Hey, that was fast." said the Rock. "WHO'S THAT!" said Sheen. "He's sleeping, shhh." said Shadow. "HI SLEEPING, I'M SHEEN. PEOPLE SAY I'M EXTREMELY HARD TO LISTEN TO FOR SOME REASON." said Sheen. "Well, i'm one step closer to bringing Maria back now..." said Shadow. "OH YEAH I BROUGHT SOME NEW RECRUITS." said Sheen, opening a Shower curtain. "SHEEN WHAT THE HECK I'M SHOWERING! Hi Shadow, your drain is clogged with red and black fur, so I called a plumber." said Carl, wearing a second towel. "Huh-hah, heres da problem." said Hotel Mario, using his plumber snake. "CLAP CLAP CLAP!" said Bolbi, applauding Mario's hard work. "Nice work guys, and nice cock." said Shadow.
"Hey-" started Terry. "BUT MINES BIGGER." said Shadow. Sheen then beat Shadow on the head until he was level 3. "Oh yeah, it's all coming together." said Shadow.
YOU ARE READING
Shaq's Day Out: Shadow of Torment
VampireBasically the "Specter Knight" of Shaq's Day Out. This is an Prequel that happens right before the events of Shaq's Day Out and Kretmi of Shadows
