Shaq's Day Out: Shadow of Torment

Me Neither start Megalo-Marting

Shadow and his new recruits returned to the castle safe and ses. All the main recruits were vibing in the pool table, while everyone else was just wandering around. "AND THATS WHEN I SAYS TO EM, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN IN THE CROSSWALK WHEN I WAS WATCHING HENTAI WHILE DRIVING." said Dutchy. "Nice story Deutchy, anyone else wanna go next?" said Terry, as Boris scuttled into the pool. "Well I've got this one about some Big Mac baby muncher who broke my sons fucking legs." said Boris. "Hey pal easy, leave your baggage at the door, this is a late night bath session." said Kretmi.

"Oh hey Shadow." said Dutchy. "Hey Shadow, how many more people do we need for this 'damn' team? There's already a fuck ton." said Terry. "This needs to be the best damn basketball team you've ever seen and be exactly to Nolan's standards so I can get Maria back." said Shadow. "So what is that, like 7?" said Boris. "In mathematical terms, we need Snas, Turner, and George, so we need about as many players as there are chaos emeralds I have." said Shadow. Carl the Man Bikini opened a closet and hung himself on a rack. "Zzz." said Carl. "CARL YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU HAD A BROTHER." said Sheen. "Sheen, you've seen Shaq hundreds of times!" said Carl. "WAIT SHAQ IS YOUR BROTHER?" said Sheen, leading them into deep lore about Shaqs fam. Shadow the left without saying anything.

Shadow walked into the school cafeteria and headed straight for the kitchen. "Hi Shadow sweetie." said Denise, making some soup. Shadow ignored her edgily and went straight for the meat locker. "Oh hey Shad, what's good." said Snas, getting his gime apparel from his locker. "Some guy named Nolan needs me to form a basketball team to beat the one here at our school and I need you to be in it so I can bring Maria back to life." said Shadow. "Okay... what's in it for me?" asked Snas. "Well, what do you desire?" asked Shadow. "Hmmm....I dunno...maybe an ancient psychic tandem war elephant, considering my last one died. I think I needed to clean out the tank." said Snas. "Where the HELL am I supposed to find one of those?!" said Shadow. "I don't know, Megalomart?" said Snas.

After a short walk, the two arrived at Megalomart. "Hey there's an Olive Garden across the street, let's grab a bite." said Snas. "Focus Snas, we need to find you that thing so you shut your yaps." said Shadow. Snas immediately walked over to an aisle with several different quadrilaterals. "*GASP* THEY HAVE IT!    S Q U A R E . " said Snas. "War elephants, war elephants, war elep- Wait a minute, that's a really good deal on Monster energy drinks." said Shadow, looking at the darkest colored one. Suddenly, Sagmaster rammed into him with a shopping cart, clearly on purpose. "Oops I am SOOO sorry about that! I was too busy shopping for supplies to build my new button." said Sagmaster. Shadow threw the cart through a wall which hit a car, causing said car to explode violently. "Well um, aren't you gonna ask about the button?" Asked Sagmaster. "They're gonna ask about why you died if you don't walk away right now." said Shadow. "OK OK SHEESH! Edgelord..." said Sagmaster, walking to recollect everything that was just destroyed.

Meanwhile, Snas was checking out the dimensions of the Squares in the quadrilateral aisle. "Only FOUR mediocre angles? What the fart?" said Jack Black. "Uh, the Octagons are over there buddy." said Snas. "Oh alright, thanks meaty bro." said Jack. "Oh hey were you looking to buy a square?" said a voice. Snas turned around to see one of the Megalomart employees. "Yeah so I have this girlfriend, she's from japan and she always loves it when I sit down and play with my square since she's Japanese. In fact sometimes I just like to crush my own cock with a trapezoid or a rhombus. Also did I mention that I have a Japanese girlfriend? I cannot recommend to you enough the diamond meaty man, and the rectangles are pretty swanky too especially when my girlfriend that I have from Japan takes it and-"

"ALRIGHT I GET IT!" said Snas, throwing the square on the ground and running away.

"Hey, do you guys have any War Elephants?" Shadow asked Squishword, who was working the reggiester. "You mean the Ancient Psychic Tandem ones?" said Squishword. "Yes exactly." said Shadow. "YEAH! That guy just took the last one." said Squishword, pointing at Kenny Knish. "Listen man, someone's gotta pull the plow." said Kenny. Shadow pulled out his gun. "Gimmee with 2 thousand E's." said Shadow. "Can't we just settle this over a pint?" said Kenny. Shadow then took a pair of airpods off one of the shelves and shoved it in Kenny's face while making spooky sound effects. "AAAGH NO! NOT WIRELESS HEADPHONES! I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE." said Kenny, running faster than a speeding baby zombie. "Alright Snas, I've got it now let's get back." said Shadow. "Snas?"

"Alright NOW let's go." said Snas, carrying twelve metric tons of baby oil. "I'm not even gonna worry about it." said Shadow. "And you shouldn't, now let's get back to wherever you want me to go." said Snas, as the two rode the Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant to Shadow's Castle. Snas parked it in the handicapped space because he is in extreme pain every time he does anything due to being made of pure muscle. "The party is here." said Snas, calmly jumping into the pool, making it all the more meaty. "MMM STEAK SAUCE." said Terry, using his shapely pecs as a bowl. "How deliciously moist." said Kretmi. "This is gross I'm gettin the rock outta here." said the Rock, stepping out of the pool and into his Pokeball.