Pull and Push (On Editing)

*4*

Mew pov

I don't know why did Gulf do that. He look good, manly and of course he is damn famous now. Then why he is provoking me. I have already expirenced so many bad things, personally and professionally. So I avoiding him since what happened in his apartment. And also I can't still move on from Art's memories. My love for him was not a passing cloud. 

I didn't mean Gulf is bad, he deserves better maybe a girl who loves him to extend or a man who could protect and love him. He is just going through some confusion, so I decided not to entertain that idea and concentrated on my career. But for the reminder he is the one who made me hot after Art.

We shot last week's intimate scene where I gave a blow job to him. It's very hard for me to act like that , it made me think weird things. I think I was carving for sex because it's been a long time since I got laid. When I was with Art I didn't think about sleeping around either with him or with others because I wanted Art's heart so I was trying to get that, I wanted to prove myself to him, my love to him.

After when I left him for week, I missed him so much. When I returned I called him for a sleepover, he accepted and came. When I opened the door, I hugged him with all my love but when I felt his hot breath in my neck I lost control. I kissed him, he kissed me back too. I felt like I was at the top of the world, I was so happy. Soon everything crashed when he pushed me and ran. I tried to contact him but he didn't pick up, I was so worried that he would misunderstand me but after four days he shook my world by his live.

I was so sad that if he was really not interested in me he would have told me but why would he damage my personal and professional life. I went to extend heart broken and missing career. So, this time I should be conscious in my and Gulf's career. I will talk to him that will be the fine solution.

After the interview we walked out from TV station. My manager has some appointments so he left me alone with Gulf so I took the opportunity, "Shall I drop you?" He smiled, "It's ok P'Mew". I shook my head as firm no, "Come, I am dropping you and that's final". He agreed we walked to my car and hit the road. The ride was deserted ,I was just thinking about what to tell him.

Soon we reached, he invite me in. I know now or never so I get together with him to his apartment. He offered water, I finished glass eagerly somewhat I felt uncomfortable. I tried to talk,but he cut before me, "P'Mew I need to talk". I nod stiffly, "Shoot", he continued, "Why are you avoiding me?"

I sighed, "I am not" without buying it, "No you are. I don't know why are you doing this P'." I stood tall on my feet, balled my first and yelled, "Because I am afraid !" He frowned, "But why?" I licked my lips, "Because I already met ugly side of this shiny world Gulf. You are new to this industry, I know more than you. If you want to be successful here ,you should act and make people happy even you are sad. You are still young and have a long way to go, you will meet someone who makes you precious of his or her life. We may experience some confusion but we should dig more to get pure love. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

He sighed and took deep breaths with closed eyes, after a few seconds he met my eyes, "So I shouldn't have any feeling towards you. That's what you are saying, hmm? I know you have a bad past with your ex co star. But I am not like him. I don't do things like him. I am". This time I cut him with a deep frown, "😡Enough Gulf...stop... Don't...😤."

Suddenly he chuckled but without humor, "Now I get it. You still didn't move on. But you don't have the rights to tell me who I should like or not. You can carry on with your heart. And I will carry on mine. But I definitely hope my heart will reach the person who I like now."

I try to coax him, "Gulf right now you are in confusion. Don't...make the mistake that I did". He proped his arms on his hip and asked, "Can I ask you something?" I nod, "Hmm." "Did you think that your feelings towards P'Art is just confusion?" I shook my head, "No, Not at all".

He blinked back at his tears and said, "Then why are you convincing me that I am in confusion. If I am making a mistake, what you did is also a mistake, I see you didn't regret it so it's ok for me too but please you don't make the same mistake that P'Art did. You can be just a co star with me . But don't make me feel down. Leave me as I am. Please I guess you could do that."

I felt defeated, "Gulf soon you will realise what I am trying to tell. I just want to protect you". He gave me a tight sad smile, "I know P' But we can't control our heart. I think you understand better than anyone of that. Don't worry about me and my feelings P'. We are actors who make people happy even we were sad, let's do that job perfect. Don't avoid me. Can we get back to the way we were?"

With that he smiled brightly and my heart melted. I was thinking the words he said about that we can't control our heart. But that's true, my feelings for Art I can't control that during the days we used to be together. Now I feel sorry for Gulf that he can't control his heart like me but my feelings didn't return to me from where they went, now I can't feel for another. Like this our conversation overed.

After that night we went for a further shoot following months,now I feel comfortable with him no awkward moment. I think acting with him is fun. We enjoyed every moment of this project all shooting, workshop, interview and fan meetings. We got closer, now we know each other well like without talking  much we can understand one another.

All fans shipping our relationship. They were crazy about us. There came award function. We were nominated as best couple category and for best kiss. But when my manager gave this information the first thing I did was search, Is cute boys of Thailand are participating in this award function? For my surprise they were participating. I know Art was currently doing this cute boys of Thailand project. Even though it's not reached as my project it's rating is good.

I rested my head on my laptop thinking what God is doing in my life. One is having feelings for me who I can't return and the other I have feelings for couldn't return mine. I don't know what I should do, should I move on or should wait?

To be continued.