𝙄𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙐𝙣𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙣

Chapter 17

I walked into school on Monday to see the world of my high school had changed. Drastically. In the short amount of time that I had been away from this school. For one, all of the decorations from homecoming had been taken down so well you wouldn't even know a dance had taken place here. That and the walls of the school were repainted and shiny. How do I know they repainted and not just washed or whatever (rinse)?

Because the cracks in the paint was gone. And the walls were now bright. Like blindingly bright. Just like Celia (who I imagined to be beaming beside me to distract me from the clouds) and I tried to forget exactly what she had told me over my phone. But it was hard. To not think about her exact words on Sunday morning. But it was harder when I came across Thelma (disguised as Tina I remind you).

I suspected she knew I knew who she was, but I didn't press it. She didn't like me anyway. So, at the very least, I'm going to continue on pretending. I have no idea when she spotted me, but she did and she was suddenly at my side like she was there the entire time.

She swung her arm around my shoulders as we walked towards my locker and said, "So, have you thought about what I said yesterday? As soon as the words left my mouth, you hung up on me."

I did do that. Because it was a panicked reflex. A genuine panicked reflext that I could never and (un) hopefully ever lose. A reflex that stemmed from my childhood from the moment I would be in my aunts and uncles care to now. I can't help it that my past gives me one flaw in all of my relationships. Actually, I don't really know what the L word actually meant. According to Scott Pilgrim, the L word was lesbian, but this one wasn't.

It was a four letter word that had to be the most complex of all of the words in any language based on understanding alone. My parents died when I was six, barely old enough to grasp what was going on between Cory and Topanga in Boy Meets World reruns. And since then, I have been in this world along with my brother under the roof of two of the most despicable people in the world with their daughter (who got the worst of it out of the three of us).

Well, in my point of view that is. I had never been shown what true L-word was and how it was expressed. If my aunt and uncle loved me and this was how they expressed it, then they have some crackpot way of showing it. Actually, they have a fucking shitty way to describe what love was. 

"What did she do?" asked Thelma from the other side of me.

"She and the guy she likes and maybe even loves went to homecoming together on Saturday, they kissed, they could be a thing I don't know. But I told her she may very well be in love with him. And she hung up on me." Celia explained before I got the chance to stop her.

"Wait. [Y/N], has this guy she likes?" Thelma asked.

"Yeah. She does. They kissed, she might love him. She doesn't want to love him though." Celia explained.

"What's his name? Maybe I know him."

"You wouldn't know him. He's homeschooled, lives more north than us, and he works in agriculture. Trust me. You have no idea who he is." Celia shook her head.

"Well, I want to know. We're friends now, aren't we?"

Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! What do I do? What do I do? This is bad. This is bad. If Thelma finds out, she'll go ballistic on me. If Thelma finds out, she'll tell Bernard. And that kind of embarrassment will never ever let me walk the grounds of the Earth ever again.

"Well, sure. If you must know, his name is-."

"Celia, can I talk to Tina really fast? I promise it'll only take a moment. I promise."