End of the Beginning (A New Hope Series)

Chapter Nine - Family

   Ben. Letting out a hollow breath, Ben shuddered. That voice. He'd never heard it before but he knew who it was immediately. Ben swallowed the lump in his throat, finding himself unable to move and unable to respond. Why was he so hesitant? This was the moment he'd waited for for so long and yet... he wasn't ready. He hadn't wanted it to come like this. Ben didn't regret his decision. He would have willingly given his life for her a thousand times over if it meant she would live. But he did regret not seeing the error in his ways sooner. If he had turned sooner, perhaps non of this would have happened. Maybe, just maybe, he and Rey could have lived happily ever after together. If she would have had him. Ben? Ben closed his eyes and sighed. There was no way of going back now. He had to face his fate.

   Hesitantly, Ben turned to face his grandfather. Anakin Skywalker stood, waiting for Ben to approach him. Ben froze, unsure of whether or not to continue. Was this the final part of his journey into the afterlife? Ben hesitated. Could he carry on and leave Rey behind? Of course not. But if his grandfather had come to meet him upon his death, what could it mean? As Rey's father had greeted her to take her on with him, had his grandfather had come to take Ben home? Home. That word hadn't meant something to him in a long, long time. Ben hadn't felt the safety or the comfort of home for long while. He hadn't felt the love of his mother. It was nobody's fault but his own, but Ben was ready to see his mother again.

   Thunder cracked from the sky, whichever way that was, and rain began to pour, though Ben could not rightly feel it. Ben sighed. Would Rey be alright without him? She had her friends to protect her and comfort her. The emperor was gone, the First Order was gone. She would be safe. Rey was surrounded by people who loved her. She would be better off without him anyway. Ben closed his eyes with sighed. He'd given her his all and in the end it had killed him. But he wouldn't change that for the world. He may have died, but Rey had lived, and that was all he ever wanted. She was safe and she would be happy for the remainder of her life. Ben could enter the afterlife with the knowledge that she would live a long, happy life. She didn't need him anymore. Ben looked up to his grandfather. He was ready to come home. Ready to see his mother again, and his father.

   Anakin stared at Ben in what seemed to be disappointment. Ben felt the pressure build up in his chest like a pile of bricks. He knew that he wasn't worthy of the love his family had to offer. He shouldn't be welcomed home after everything he had done. Ben looked to the ground, ashamed. Why was he not being punished for all of his sins? Surely he deserved to rot in hell or disappear from existence. Not spend the remainder of whatever this life was with people who loved him. He didn't deserve their love. Ben had betrayed them countless times. How could they still love him after everything he'd done? It was true that Ben had changed, and though that change might make him a better person, it didn't erase all his past mistakes. If you could call murdering hundreds of innocent people a mistake. Were their lives nothing but a mistake. No. No, their lives mattered. And those who suffered because of him, their deaths mattered.

   It pained Ben to think that Rey would have never found the love and support of her friends had something happened to her during their battles. Ben sighed. He had killed so many innocent people. How could he ever live with the guilt and remorse? Ben cracked a tortured smile at the irony. He had died. He couldn't live with it, because he wasn't alive. But even if he had lived, could Ben have ever made up for the lives lost? Of course not? He had deserved to die. But he deserved much worse than death.  Ben sank to his knees and buried his face in his hands. Tears streamed down his cheeks, mixing with the rain. Ben let out strangled sobs and wept.

   Suddenly, Ben felt strong arms wrap around his shoulders. The embrace was strong and comforting. Ben looked up to see that his grandfather had enveloped him in a hug, his arms surrounding Ben's shoulders. Ben sighed and wrapped his arms around Anakin. "Grandfather." He whispered, pain mingled with a sob escaping his lips. Anakin pulled away and gave Ben the widest grin he could manage. "Ben. My grandson. Welcome home, dear boy." Ben stared at Anakin in shock. How could Anakin call him grandson? How could he welcome him home with open arms after everything he had done? Ben shuddered and resisted the urge to turn away. He wanted to run away. But where would he go? He had no where to go. He was dead.