End of the Beginning (A New Hope Series)

Chapter Seventeen - Unity

Ben stood in his room, staring at his reflection in the mirror. His black robes complimented the color of his hair nicely. He'd always looked good in black, or so his mother had told him when he was young. She had so enjoyed dressing him up in suits and fancy attire. This was the first time he'd worn anything so fancy and anything aside from his First Order uniform since he left Luke's Jedi Academy. The fact that it was black too bothered him slightly, but it was still traditional to wear a black suit for a wedding. Especially if you were the groom.

Every now and then a thought would enter his mind, questioning Rey's commitment to him but he was quick to shake it. He was through living in fear and through living with so much doubt. That was how he got into this mess. Never again would he doubt his family's love for him. And Rey was his family. Rey and the child she carried. He wondered how long it would be before she started showing. He also wondered if the others knew about her pregnancy. It was unlikely that she would have told them so soon. She probably feared that they would be angered by the fact that she carried his child. Whether or not she did so willingly. He also doubted they would believe the truth. They would question what happened between him and Rey, and Ben feared the answer they would choose to believe.

   There was also the fact that although Ben and Rey had known each other for a little over a year, it was concerning that they had barely gotten to know one another. The man that Rey had gotten to know and see in the past, wasn't the man he was today. Any of their previous encounters had always been brief and... well... argumentative. They hadn't truly gotten to know one another during their interactions. Well... he had gotten to know Rey. But did she truly know him? All he had ever shown her during that time was his unfulfillable need for power. A downfall of joining the dark side. Still, that was no excuse and yet, Rey always found a way to see through to him. To who he really was. So maybe she did know him. They had become very familiar with one another through their dyad after all. But was that truly enough to be married so quickly? There was a slight part of Ben that felt he had rushed into the decision of getting married.

   Ben tried to shake the doubt once again. He knew for a fact that he loved Rey. There was also the fact that she was the mother of the child they'd convinced. Albeit, not a natural conception, but she still carried their child. His child. Getting married would be the best thing for the baby. There was no doubt about that. He wanted his son or daughter to grow up with a stable family. With parents who loved each other and stayed by one another's side. But Ben also didn't want Rey to ever feel that he chose to marry her out of obligation. Ben meant what he said when he told her he had loved her from the moment he saw her. He remembered the excitement and also fear in her eyes as he approached her. She was so desperate for something new. For adventure.

   But from the moment Ben reached into her mind he could sense a great sadness. A sense of abandonment and loneliness. All the same emotions and feelings he had felt over the past years before their first encounter. He had allowed himself to be consumed by the dark side, but that didn't make the yearning for a family go away. It didn't tame the need for affection or comfort. Or love... Ben had never found much solace in his parents or uncles presence. Perhaps it was because of his own stubbornness. Or perhaps it was because his father was always away. But most likely it was because they never much acted like a family. He knew his parents lived one another, but they always spent their time arguing. But with Rey, it was different. Perhaps it was just the connection of their dyad... but Ben could feel that there was more to it than that. There was something missing in both of their lives before all this. They needed each other.

   It was difficult not knowing how much of his thoughts Rey could hear and process. He could feel her emotions and sense her thoughts, but it was hit or miss. There was no specific time or place that he could hear her. So it must be the same for her. The last thing he needed was for her to tap into his thoughts during a time like this. Ben knew it was probably just pre-wedding anxiety. He only hoped that with time, he and Rey would come to know one another much better. Beyond the means of their past trauma and affection. He wanted to truly know Rey. But he didn't want to risk waiting and losing her forever. They'd been through too much to postpone the thing they most desired. To be together. At last. Ben just hoped that Rey wouldn't come to regret marrying him so quickly.