Little Ones [A Vikklan, Poofless and Merome Fanfiction]

↞Chapter 12↠

Preston's P.O.V.

For the first few days it was complete and utter denial that anything was wrong. I stayed at Liam's beside for those days, staring blankly off into the distance while I tried to comprehend exactly what had happened over the last 48 hours. The nurses did their best to help me out, nudging me when Liam needed to be changed or fed, if he wanted to be held. I did it robotically, no real connection to what I was doing. I just felt so completely and utterly numb that I didn't even realise what I was doing.

"Preston?" A nurse placed a hand on my shoulder. "I think you should go home, have some rest. We'll look after Liam, okay?" I moved to stand up but she stopped me. "And you are not driving yourself. You're not in any condition to be doing so and you need to be here for Liam. We'll call you a taxi."

All I could do was nod. I didn't really have an opinion about it either way.

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Liam came home from hospital after 3 days. The day of her funeral. My family had all gathered around me and my son the day he was born but I think this was the first time everyone had come together since then, but I honestly wasn't concentrating enough to even realise they were there on the first day. I didn't let anyone take Liam from my arms, even when he cried, even when people offered to take him, I held onto him. He was the only connection I had left to my wife and with her the only thought on my mind, I couldn't bear to put him down.

A couple of weeks passed. I didn't contact anyone, I didn't record or upload, I was completely silent. I didn't check on the other boys. None of them seemed to be that active either so I wasn't entirely worried about them, but when Rob tried to contact me I had to decline. I had been crying and Liam was lying in my arms so I really couldn't risk it. I didn't want him to find out about my son yet- in fact, I didn't want anyone to find out about my son just yet, outside my family at least. I wasn't ready for that.

I just felt... numb. I still couldn't believe that she was gone, that I was left alone raising our son, but one glance around the apartment said everything you needed to know. She was the one who cleaned the most- I did the laundry and made the majority of our money and she did a lot of the other things, at least when she wasn't heavily pregnant, but I was so numb that I didn't have the energy to do anything. I couldn't clean, I couldn't record, I could barely even get out of bed when Liam cried for me. What I did do I barely remembered.

In all this time, I had never thought I would end up alone like this. We had had our whole lives planned out together, the house, the careers, the children. We had wanted three, maybe even four. But I had never thought that it would ever end up like this, leaving me completely alone to care for our child.

I honestly thought about giving Liam away for a little while. I wanted to run away, start over with nothing from my past life- and if that meant giving up Liam, then so be it.

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Before I knew it, Liam was two months old and I didn't know where the time was gone. Liam was growing every single day, cooing and laughing. He still couldn't do anything by himself, that wouldn't come until later, but I knew I was making the most of my time with him- he wouldn't remain like this for long and something in me wanted to look back on this time with fondness, but I couldn't. I was too numb.

My emotional state was a wreck to say the least. It felt like every moment of every day my wife was on my mind. I was waiting for her to laugh from the kitchen, or come and take Liam from my arms to hold him, or for her to climb into bed beside me after a long and exhausting day. But that never happened, because she was gone.

And with her on my mind all the time, I simply wasn't able to think about Liam or even myself. I did the bear minimum I could to get through the day- I fed Liam and changed him and rocked him to sleep, but I didn't do much other than that. I didn't really talk to him or engage with him. As for looking after myself- boy howdy you had another thing coming if you thought I had time for that. I often didn't shower for a week, I barely ate, I barely slept. I didn't record, I didn't post any videos, I didn't check my social media. If I was honest I had completely stopped caring about anything. What was there to live for? Liam had my family if I left and before, before all this, the only reason I kept going was for her. She wasn't there anymore.

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Rob called to check on me just after Liam turned two months old. He hadn't been uploading much either and I figured he was just working on a project, maybe something to do with Cosmic that I was technically meant to be involved in but I had long forgotten about it. He managed to smile but I could see the shock behind his eyes at my appearance. I knew I looked terrible.

"...Preston?" He asked, voice soft. "Man, you look terrible.... are you okay? I know you haven't been uploading lately but...." I didn't manage to say anything, only leaning on my hand and shaking my head. "How's Bri? Maybe get her to help you out-"

And that was what finally broke me. It was Rob, with a tiny bit of poking, that got me to confess to him what was going on- if only part of what was going on. I didn't tell him about Liam. I did, however, through broken sobs and coughing fits, confess that my wife, Brianna, was gone. That she was dead.

Rob sat silent through the whole thing, expression sliding from shock to absolute despair. I ended up lying on my desk sobbing my heart out, unable to stop myself, Liam asleep in the next room.

"Jesus Christ Preston..." He finally whispered, hugging himself. "I- I-.... I don't even know what to say, what to do. I would... I would offer to fly out but... I can't, somethings come up here and I can't leave."

"It's alright." I finally said, hiccupping. "I've got my family here and I... I can't really leave either."

Rob talked to me until I fell asleep, despite that fact I knew I would just be up in a few hours to feed Liam, and I let his soothing voice rock me to sleep. I felt like a child but for once, I wasn't sure if it was a bad thing. He talked about anything he could think of, his projects, his videos, his family.

I could tell there was something he wasn't telling me, but right then it didn't matter. What mattered was that he knew- partly- and that he was there to comfort me.

For the first time in two months, I slept soundly.