Little Ones [A Vikklan, Poofless and Merome Fanfiction]

↞Chapter 14↠

Mitch's P.O.V.

Hearing Jerome's voice was very reassuring but it still didn't stop me from thinking about what my next steps may be. I didn't realise until I really thought about it, but I was lonely. Like, really lonely. Living alone with Hazel in self isolation was making my already awful spiral of doubt and hate and fear even worse, and my routine was falling apart even more. I was managing to sleep more as she slept more, but that just reinforced my bad habits.

The thought about giving Hazel away had since passed as I had had her for another month and a bit, but there were a few other thoughts running around in my mind. I hadn't uploaded since she had been born, I hadn't even tried to record anything either. I ate, slept, took care of Hazel and maybe cleaned a little bit of the house if I was feeling up to it, which wasn't often. I was listless and emotionless, numb and blank. Even Hazel's smile didn't make me feel anything, her toothless giggle when I jangled a toy above her head.

For a couple of weeks, after the consideration of giving her up went away, I thought about all of the possibilities to do something, anything to have some change. Although I barely cared about anything I didn't want Hazel to grow up with a father like me, unable to care for her because of depression and trauma and the constant fear of someone finding out what had happened.

And then the thought occurred to me- I could pack up and leave. I had savings and almost no belongings that I truly, really needed, and with nothing keeping me here anymore, what was stopping me? Nothing. That night, after Hazel was down sleeping, I began packing everything up. In the end the suitcase was full of mostly her things, clothes and toys and whatnot, I only took my phone, wallet, computer and charger and maybe two changes of clothes. I didn't need anything more than that. For a little while I considering waiting until the morning or even the day after before I left, but decided against it. If I wanted to leave I had to leave now before my energy and determination ran out.

Lifting her from the cot, hoping to keep her asleep, I placed her in her carseat and that carseat into the car. She didn't even stir, thankfully, and before I knew it everything of hers was in the car and a tiny portion of my belongings was too, and we were off. I didn't even know where we were going, all I knew was that we were going out of state and I didn't plan on looking back. I even turned my phone off so no one could contact me.

Looking in the mirror at my sleeping daughter in the back seat, I managed to smile. New home, new state, new life?

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We stayed in a hotel for the next few nights, hopping from place to place as I continued to drive during the day. Obviously Hazel didn't sleep all the time so there were hours at a time that I had to stop in towns and wander around public places, museums, libraries, playgrounds, that sort of thing. I couldn't let her down to play anywhere though so she got cranky often, whining and complaining when she couldn't lie on the floor.

I don't think anyone called or texted in the first few days because no one was ever around my house to notice that I was gone. Jerome did try to text me once, asking if we wanted to call again but I simply didn't reply to it because I didn't really know what to say. How do I say to my best friend of over a decade that I had run away to a different state with my daughter who he didn't know existed because I had been raped, became pregnant and had post-partum depression so bad that I couldn't stay home any longer? I couldn't.

"Hey little one." I whispered as I lifted Hazel from the cot the hotel had given me. She cooed at me, waving one chubby little fist in the air. "Time to get moving again."

She seemed to know what was going on because she began crying, whinging and wailing in my arms so I had to stop and rock her until she calmed down.

"I know, I know baby girl." I whispered, walking back and forth across the small hotel room. "I know you don't want to get back into the car again but we have to, okay?" She sniffled.

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I checked my phone about a week and a half after I left, and my heart sank. There were about 30 missed calls from Jerome and over 300 texts, each frantically asking me where the hell I was, where I had gone and why no one could get in contact with me. To please, tell him where I was. I had been pulled over on the side of the road when I saw those texts and right that moment another call from him came through- almost instinctively, I answered it.

"MITCH!" He yelled into the phone, making me flinch. "Oh my god, Mitch!!! Where the hell have you been! I- I- I went around to your place because I was worried about you and you weren't there and none of your family can contact you and please, tell me what's going on!"

"I left." I said simply, in no emotional state to really explain what was going on. "I- I didn't wanna stay anymore." I couldn't help but glance in the wing mirror to Hazel, sleeping.

"Mitch please." He begged. "I know there's something more than that going on. There's baby stuff all around your place. Please tell me it isn't what I think it is."

It was that that finally broke me, because he knew. I think he had always had some sneaking suspicion what was going on but because I hadn't been able to take all of Hazel's stuff with me, so that was what he had found.

I sobbed for a long while on the side of the road with Jerome desperately trying to comfort me on the other side of the call, panicking and unable to help. All he could do was talk and reassure me that everything was okay, as soon as I was able to tell him where I was he was going to come and get me and bring him home.

"I- I don't even know where I am." I stuttered, gulping painfully. "I've been driving 6 hours a day for over a week, I- I don't even know what state I'm in!"

"I know Mitch, I know." Jerome said quietly, trying to keep his breathing level. "But I need information. Get to the nearest town and maybe try and tell me where you are. We'll get you back, I promise."

"Jerome?" I whispered.

"Yeah Mitch?" He replied.

"I'm scared. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I can take care of her. I don't know if I can take care of myself. I don't know if I wanna be alive anymore."