The Emperor's General (ON HIATUS)

Chapter 13

Sex is a form of loneliness.
A principle means of escape.
Bounded by riches, women and power, will this loneliness ever die out?
Who says this could define a person as the luckiest and happiest?
Enemies, traitors, liars, haters, pretenders... What not?
So why the need to keep on being the good person?
Rather be the devil himself.

But, what if, that person at the deepest point of obscurity, had a glimpse of the radiant sun?
How long will it take for them to realize the brilliance of this sun?
Will they be able to swim back into the surface no matter how deep the waters are?
To slowly and gently embrace the sun's warmth?
To be rid of loneliness and to finally give a meaning to love?

~Anonymous~

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Its been two days since that awkward day, and His Majesty acts the same as usual. Even though I was in cloud nine with his change of attitude, now that I was sobered up, I knew there were loopholes in his behavior. He wasn't completely honest with me. Of course he might trust me, but not as much as he tried to show me by giving me the jade. Even if I loved him I wouldn't be able to forget how he had treated me in my last life. The deeply rooted hatred, that even if I repeatedly said I didn't do anything, he didn't listen to me, neither did he ask me once,

"General, did you do it? Did you kill the Empress Dowager?"

This was out of his character. He's stubborn and no matter what, he'd never be able to change his mind about me so suddenly, when he literally threatened to kill me that very morning. He was a very hard man to convince. Isn't that the reason why he refused to see what was beyond the red curtains in my previous life? Especially when I was the prime suspect, he was now willing to trust me? And just because I said I lost the amulet? Which he already knew and kept quiet. He knew about this in my last life, but never once did he bother to question me about it. I was sure he had his men observing me and found nothing suspicious on my activities. Yet he didn't think twice to sentence me to death for his mother's death. Where was this so called trust then?

I've always known he had no choice because he promised Imperial Father that he'd be there for me and protect me. It explains why he decided to trust me enough to give me control over Xu Lin's security even after the late Emperor's death. I was still trying to figure out why he had given an Imperial edict and handed over the jade to me. Handing over the jade was a big deal after all, so I was very confused right now. At the moment he clearly did not mean any harm to me... But an unpredictable man like himself was definitely upto something. Also there was the fact that he was a bit different since our first encounter but it was subtle.

If he had this helpful attitude he was having now, I wouldn't have died. This was why I was having doubts in my heart now. What's his purpose? I could see he wanted to protect me but why all of a sudden?

I guess I was the biggest idiot, because even after being killed and reborn, just the fact that he's willing to do this much, had made me happy. In fact, I was more focused on the positive side of our relationship that I chose to not think about it, but give more importance to the case at hand.

Just a little bit of attention or a few encouraging words from him, even though they have no deep meaning, was something of great significance to me, who had waited years to be noticed by His Majesty.

I had a glance at the wrist His Majesty held onto.

To me who had rarely any attention from this mighty man, little bits of good moments were always cherished and precious to my heart.

A relaxing smile spread across my lips.

It's hard to see the truth when you're blinded by love. Or rather you refuse to see the truth. But, I knew and I accepted it. I let him hurt me over and over again. Do I regret it? No. This was my choice. And I will continue to persist no matter how much it breaks me. Have I broken already? No. If I were, I wouldn't be standing where I was after everything I'd gone through. I love that man. I loved him so much that I saw his betrayal as a trivial matter. Even after countless of betrayals, I didn't care what kind of motive he had towards me, as long as he'd be true to his people without straying away from the right path which Imperial Father had taught us.