Social Suicide (Texting Harry Styles)

10

MONDAY, OCTOBER 29 2018

“I’m getting lunch before I go home if you wanna come?“

“Can’t.” Elijah frowned slightly. “Gotta run. I have swim practice in twenty minutes, then I’m meeting Mason. He just got back into town.”

“Oh. Well let me know how it goes later, yeah?”

“Course.” He kissed my temple and walked off. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

As I waited at the red light with Subway in view, I sighed.

Someone honked behind me.

Rolling my eyes, I lazily stuck my left arm out the window and raised my middle finger.

Pulling into the parking lot, I made an immediate u-turn, heading straight home to take an extra nap instead.

I hadn’t been sleeping lately. Other than Molly and Elijah, I distanced myself from the outside world. I didn’t even go to this weekend’s party, which never happened.

Opening up to Harry about my life didn’t affect me the way I thought it would. It made me doubtful, not more trusting of him.

He wouldn’t stop calling me, and I pretended I wasn’t home whenever I saw him through the peephole.

I knew he knew I was avoiding him. Liam came over all the time to be with Molls, so Harry must’ve asked him.

The only other person I’d occasionally talked to was H. And since Harry knew who he was, I assumed H told him.

I couldn’t help it. It was the way I was wired. I was naturally disconnected from everything and everyone. Except for Molly, that is.

The closer I get to someone, the further away I feel.

I guess if anyone experienced half of what I have, they’d be the same way.

I tried to convince myself that I was just broken. I could be fixed. It would just take time.

But it wasn’t a clean break. It would be painful to put myself back together.

I dropped my school bag on the closest bar stool and stripped down to nothing on the way to my bed, leaving a trail of clothes behind me. My cold sheets felt good against my bare skin.

As I drifted, I dreamed.

The woods, the cliff, the fire, the echo of my empty house, the bloodied corpse of my mother, the haunting cries of my dog that woke me... They were expected.

But wasn’t expected was Daniel’s face morphing into Harry’s.

I tried to scream, but my mouth was stitched shut.

He said my name over and over, and as my body started to convulse, the vision faded.

I was now half awake, faintly feeling someone’s hand shaking me.

Whoever it was cleared his throat, and I swung my arm out to protect myself.

The feeling of his bulge smacking against my knuckles and the sound of his painful moan made my eyes snap open.

“Jesus, Avery!” he groaned, holding his crotch in the fetal position.

“Harry, what the fuck?!”

Behind him, my window to the fire escape was open. The cold breeze blew in my direction, raking my hair back.

I took the sheet with me, wrapping it around my naked body as I got off the bed and tended to Harry.