Hold Me Close (Sequel To Take Me Home and Keep Me Safe)

Chapter Twenty-Five

Harry sat with his head in his hands at the kitchen counter of the apartment he shared with Ash.

The two of them had fought. They'd argued, properly, both yelling and cussing before Ash had stormed out to visit his father. It was their first time, and with everything else that was going on right now, it was really getting to him.

He didn't even know how it had built up, really.

One minute, Ash was telling him about his Dad's treatment and the next, Harry had zoned out with his mind going back to his brothers - Niall's attempt and the blood on his father's and brothers clothes in the waiting room, the tubes attached to the thirteen year old as he lay in that hospital bed and all the 'why didn't I notice sooner's running through his head at a million miles an hour.

Ashton had apparently realised his thoughts had been elsewhere and waved a hand in front of his face, claiming 'he wasn't listening, he never listened', at which Harry had bitten back with 'your problems always have to come first, don't they?' which wasn't even remotely true but he was mad. And then they were both mad, yelling at each other about rubbish that didn't even make sense.

Now he was alone in his apartment and even now, all these years later and after everything his brothers were going through, his skin got that familiar itch that he could only scratch with a blade. He tried to keep the thoughts at bay, but they were screaming in his mind.

He massaged at his temples, looking up with teary eyes and glancing around the empty apartment. It was silent, the ticking of the clock on the kitchen wall the only interruption to the quiet, and he knew he shouldn't be alone.

He just couldn't bring himself to go after Ash, not yet. Not when they were both still a little sensitive. Neither of them were right, and he was willing to accept that. He knew his boyfriend was too, they both just needed some time apart - they were stressed and worried and buried under their personal problems and he knew they'd make it up.

He tried to remain positive, but once the bad thoughts had entered his head, he could never seem to shift them straight away.

His phone buzzed on the counter beside him and he flinched slightly at the loud volume. A glance at the screen showed that it was Louis calling, and he let out a sigh of relief, knowing that his little brother was easy to talk to.

"Hey Lou. Everything okay?" he asked softly, and he could hear laughing in the background. Their Papa's chuckle was impossible to mistake. At least everything was going okay over there.

Louis' smile was evident in his tone. "Yeah! We're playing boardgames, Dad and Papa versus me and Ni. Well, Ni just wants to watch for now cause he's a bit tired so I need another teammate. Wanna come over?" he asked, and Harry managed a teary smile at the happiness in his brother's voice.

He sounded like a kid for once, just enjoying life. He deserved it, both of the twins did.

He sniffed. Being at home with his family was exactly what he needed right then, and he knew it. "Okay buddy. I'll be there in ten," he murmured, preparing to end the call when Louis spoke up again, quieter now.

"You sound sad," he stated, anxiety lacing his words. "Are you okay?"

Harry smiled at that, rubbing at his eyes. No, he wasn't exactly okay, but he knew it would pass. He wasn't going to give into any urges, he was simply going to drive home and join in with his family playing boardgames until everything felt a little better again.

He cleared his throat and nodded. "Yeah, Lou. I will be."

It was nearly thirty minutes later by the time he pulled into the driveway beside Papa's car. He'd taken the time to grab a warm jacket before he left, because selfcare and all that, right?