So we meet again... (a merthur au)

Like Dust in the Wind

Arthur woke to the sound of his dog, Wade, whining and pawing at the back door to be let out. He hushed the dog, voice gravelly as it usually was after waking up, and saw the note. His heart dropped and he took it in his hand and dared not look. He distracted himself by setting it down on the kitchen counter, letting the dog out and making a pot of coffee before sitting down to brave whatever fate the note would bring-- though he knew before he read the first words.

I'm sorry, Arthur. I truly am. I never meant to find you again, or for you to notice me. I admit to you, I lied about many things, some of which were inconsequential but untrue nonetheless. I write to you as though we are miles apart, although you are merely steps away. A feeling of foreboding, I suppose, an inkling of what's to come.

I must be honest now, since I owe you as much. I lied about my job, most of my money is merely funneled through from many years of savings and I am going to run out of funds in the near future. I knew this was coming, I made plans for it, and was in preperation of them before you came into my life again. However, despite my feelings the wheel must continue to turn and, thus, I must take my leave.

I lied about not knowing you, which you know, but I saw you many times before you came to see me. How could I have missed you when we regular the same pub? Admittedly, it was chance at first, but I wanted to be close to you even if we couldn't acknowledge each other. Sadly, that was ruined when you spotted me. I couldn't watch you from afar anymore, like the coward I had grown to become. I was glad to be close again, but it clearly was not meant to last. How can you trust someone who holds all the cards, right?

I think it best you go back to life as it were, and simply adjust. I should know better than to pine after a memory, lest I confuse the truth for a figment of my own imagination. You will forget me with time, wounds will heal, and I will fade. I am sorry, Arthur, for making you suffer yet again. I am, however, glad you are alive.

Please stay safe.
Sincerely, Merlin

Arthur stared at the paper in dismay for several seconds before the whistling of the kettle brought him out of his daze. He let Wade in, the dog sluggish and lying by the front door on the other side of the living space. Arthur couldn't help but feel somewhat angry.

Admittedly, he had to leave Merlin's side for his own benefit but he wanted to do it on his own time, his own terms. Hot, angry tears stung his eyes as he balled up the note and threw it across the room, frustrated that he was robbed of the decision.

He watched the paper ball for a few moments before picking it back up and smoothing it out, laying it on a far, unused corner of the table. The beautifully scrawled cursive, clearly written with a much nicer pen than Arthur bothered to own, somewhat marred by the srunches in the page.

"Damn you, Merlin. Why couldn't you at least said goodbye? Coward... Stupid prat..." Arthur sniffed, rubbing his nose on his sleeve before pouring himself a cup of coffee.

He sat at the table with the warm cup between his hands as he stared out the window, deeply conflicted. Ask and ye shall receive. He got what he wanted, so why did he hate it so much? Was it the loss of control he felt, or the mere desire to hold onto the feeling he had before knowing his past of pain and Merlin's personal eternity of suffering?

Regardless, it was of no matter now-- it was time to adapt, to forget, and to get back to work. All that was left was the appointment to clear him for work and life would get back to normal. As his eyes adjusted to his reflection in the mirror, he tugged on the tips of his hair in distaste as it hung low over his ears and his stubble growing out further than he liked. He decided, as he took his first sip of coffee that it was high time for him to cut his hair and shave again.

...

He had been back at work two weeks with no word from Merlin. He had sent a single text, a weak attempt to make conversation with a simple Hey but nothing came of it. With his place cleaned up, and the recent drunken accident, it was of consensus to move their drinking nights to an at-home rotation between the three's homes, where they would sleep it off and go home the next day.

In this night's buzz he wondered how Merlin was doing, and if he would ever see him again. When morning came, he still had Merlin on his mind. After leaving Morri's house with assurance of safety, he made his way to Merlin's. Maybe they could talk, or at least he could see the place and change his mind.

...

Upon arrival, the first thing he noticed was the overall lack of cats nearby or on the property. The lights were out, but there were no curtains. As he edged closer, he noticed the sale sign in the yard and his heart sank. The studio was completely bare, nothing left behind to signify anyone lived there at all.

He peered through the window, half amazed and half disappointed to see Merlin so removed from his life and so quickly. The tap on his shoulder nearly made him scream in fright.

"Easy, son. Was just wondering what you were doing. Interested in the place? It's pretty well-kept, right? It's real cheap too, I hear, last guy lived life by a shoestring budget." The old man grinned, a salesman smile plastered on his face. Likely he was selling it, based on his expression.

"Was just wondering where the previous inhabitant Mer-- uh, Emrys went to. He lived here just two weeks ago, now he's disappeared."

"Fine by me," the man shrugged, "good tenant, though. Quiet boy, kept the place real clean somehow despite all those cats that hung around his place. Always made payments on time."

"Any idea where he went?" Arthur asked, the sinking feeling deepening in gut.

"All he said was he was going to some codependent living situation, said he was inheriting the place or something like that. Not sure, I didn't ask."

"Right," Arthur murmured. "Thanks."

With halfhearted goodbyes, Arthur went back home and prepared for another week of work sure to sneak up on him in the short days ahead. Their time was over, however, Arthur's time was still ticking.