Legacies Preferences and Imagines

Help - Lizzie

Tw - Suicide

Lizzies pov

It was dark. Not just the room I was sat in but in my head. The thoughts keep crossing my mind.
"You don't belong here."
"Hope doesn't love you."
"Josie hates you."
"You're the worst sister ever."
"Your dad would rather have Hope as a daughter then you."
"Selfish."
"Worthless."
"You're going to lose the merge."
"Unstable."
"Die."
The thoughts are getting louder. The thoughts are getting more intense. The thoughts are taking over. This time they might just win, I don't know how much energy I have left to fight. Being alone is hard, having no one to talk to, no one to help, no one to care. I pull out my diary and start writing.

Dear Josie,

I'm so sorry, I couldn't do it anymore, don't forget I will always love you. My twin, my best friend. The one person who was consistent in my life. The one who picked up all my pieces every time I crashed. The one who never left.
I can't put into words how much I love you.
I will always watch over you, I will always be with you, I will always protect you.
I'm sorry I couldn't talk to you about this stuff, I just can't go on, I'm never going to get better. The merge will kill one of us, me doing this means you get to live your life, you don't have to worry about who's going to win because I've made the decision, you. You're going to win because I'm not strong, I never have been but you, you are the strongest person I know, I couldn't have asked for a better twin. I know I haven't been the best sister but the one thing I do know is I love you.

I'm sorry again Josie, I love you so much, I'm so proud of you.
Lizzie xx

Then the next one. My dad.

Hey daddy,

I'm sorry for not being a better daughter. I'm sorry for not being the daughter you wanted. I'm sorry I couldn't be more like Hope  or Josie.
You're the best dad anyone could ask for, you protected us when no one else could, you held me while I cried, you were always the one to clean up the mess after my episodes but I promise this will be the last mess you have to clean up.
Me doing this means you don't have to worry about it the merge, Josie will win. This is because I'm not there to go against her but we all know she would win anyway.
I'm sorry about doing this I love you so much daddy, take care of Josie for me.

I love you so much. I just wish I could have done you proud.

Lizzie xx

Then the next, mom.

Mommy,

The one who carried me and Josie until the day we were born and then after that.
You were the one who picked me up when I fell down, took care of the wounds i would get from falling over. You were the best mom a girl could ask for. You gave the best advice and I should have listened to it more, I'm just sorry I didn't but I can't go back no matter how much I want to.
I'm sorry for not being better.
I'm sorry for all the pain I caused.
Don't cry about this, remember the good times and laugh.

I love you so much, mom. I just wish the outcome was different.

Lizzie xx

Then onto the last one, the one that's going to kill me to write, the one to my girlfriend.

My Hopey,

I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to stay, I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to talk, I'm sorry I didn't ask for help, I'm sorry I wasn't better. I guess I'm sorry for a lot of things but I'm too much of a coward to admit that out loud and I'm sorry.
You were the best thing that ever happened to me, other than my family you were the only other person I let in. You were the only other person to see my episodes, the only other person I ever let see me cry.
You were the one who stole my heart and I'm glad you did.
Don't ever think this was your fault and please don't let my family think it's theirs, it's mine, for not talking to any of you.
Please take care of Josie, I know this will break her and I don't want her to spiral, I want you to all keep living your lives. I want you to find someone who can love you the way I did, I want you to find someone stronger then me, I want you to be happy.
I'm sorry it came to this, I wish it didn't, I wish I was as strong as you. I love you with all my heart, I will always be looking down on you, my love, I will always be with you.
Always and forever, right?

Thankyou for being everything I'm not, take care of my family, I love you.

Your girl, always xx

That was the last one I wrote, I had tears flooding down my face, "why am I not strong?" I asked myself as I took my pill bottle off the shelf, I folded all the notes and put them on the bed next to me with all the correct names on them.

I opened the bottle and took a handful of pills throwing them all to the back of my throat taking a gulp of water, doing it until there was no pills left.
Everything is starting to get fuzzy and I'm struggling to keep my eyes open.
"Help." I gasp out as my eyes close and the darkness consumes me.