Walls

Kill my mind

Kept me living
From the last time
From a prison of a past life
On a mission just to feel like
When you kissed me for the last time

🌈

"Okay Louis, we're gonna have you make a track by track where you talk about each song and what they mean to you." Louis manager says.

Louis raises an eyebrow.
"Really? Do you actually want me to say what the songs are about?"

The manager gives him a firm glare.
"No, be vague but as honest as you can be. Make sure to mention your girlfriend often. We want the fans to think that you wrote the record about her of course. You know the drill."

Louis rolls his eyes.
"So lie my way through it. Do I have to do this? Is it really necessary?"

"Yes. Tomorrow at nine." His manager answers and waves Louis off dismissively.

Louis sighs and gets up.

---------------------

The next morning Louis sits down in front of the camera crew. His makeup artist makes a final touch.

"Okay Louis, start with Kill my mind. Ready?" Greg, the director, and cameraman ask, and Louis nods his head. He just wants to get through this.

"Action!"

Louis looks into the camera and starts to speak.
"Hi I'm Louis Tomlinson and this is my track by track for my debut album Walls."

So what is he supposed to say? Louis takes a deep breath.
"This is a song that I really needed, I felt on the record. Ehm, it's probably one of my favorite songs. We wrote this about six months ago and actually after we wrote Kill my mind it felt like we built up a bit of momentum in the album definitely."

Louis stays quiet after that and Greg yells "cut."

Louis looks up.
"Now what?"

"Just talk about what the song's about." Greg directs.

Well, that was the hard part. Louis needs a minute to come up with something vague but still meaningful. He nods his head and Greg yells "action!" again.

Louis looks down. He's not gonna lie straight into the camera at least!
"In terms of what's it about, it's just about being young and kind of trying to capture that nostalgic element of being young and being reckless and being stupid."

Well, it isn't totally a lie, it's part of the truth. Louis feels kind of good about himself. Greg yells "cut."

They continue. It's getting easier.
"Eh, I felt like I needed this song on the record because I feel like it's a good example of ehm, the kind of stuff I like listening to. I feel like eh, a lot of me inspiration is in this song. Ehm, and also it was a bit of a statement of intent for me. It was the first song I released of this new bunch and kind of showing I was moving in a slightly different direction."

Greg cuts again and asks Louis to talk more about the lyric of the song. Louis sighs, for the love of God! But he does as he's told, he usually does. He looks away when he speaks but makes sure to look into the camera when he says something important.

"The lyrics, again, is trying to capture, you know, feeling young and especially in the chorus, it's kind of... it's kind of describing that situation where eh, something or someone that isn't good for you necessarily but it's fun at the time."

Greg cuts again.
"Okay Louis, we're almost done. Just say some last words why you put it first on the record."

Louis finishes off.
"Ehm, to me it was a bit of a no-brainer to open the album with Kill my mind, ehm, kind of had that intention right after writing it. Ehm, it's one of those songs that hopefully makes you feel good. Ehm, and it just felt like the right message and the right sonic to open the album with a little bit of energy. Ehm, and yeah, lyric I'm proud of."

"Cut! Great Louis!" Greg shouts.

Green eyes and dimples flash before Louis's eyes and he rubs his face in frustration. Of course, the song is about him. Louis smirks. And the feeling of snorting a hell lot of coke but that's not something his manager would appreciate if he said out loud. He wishes he could go back in time and do everything differently. There had been a time where he chose drugs over love. He had been so stupid. Young and reckless. He hadn't been able to handle it all, the pressure. He wishes he had been stronger back then. He was now but it was too late.

Louis got up to take a smoke break. Some habits are hard to break but he rather smoke than do coke. Never again!

Louis gets lost in thoughts while he inhales the smoke. He wonders what Harry's doing now? He hasn't spoken to him in a long time but he of course googles him daily. He's kind of obsessed. Harry's doing great, it seems. He's so proud of him. Harry's also about to release an album. Louis doesn't know if he will be able to listen to all of it because he doesn't want to hear Harry sing about someone else, that Camille he had read about. Harry moved on. It hurts like hell but he also just wants him to be happy.

He had cried when he had read about Harry's new relationship and he had cried even more when it seemed like it was real. They stayed together. A whole fucking year in agony. When they finally broke up he had mixed feelings. He felt relieved and at the same time, he was sad for Harry's sake. God, he's such an asshole, but he loves him. Simple as that. Even if nothing is simple or ever has been.

He puts the cigarette out with a deep sigh. It's time for another bullshit track by track. Louis walks inside again.