Whatever We Lose

always and forever

Hope shifted for god knows how many times already on her bed, couldn't find the serenity to sleep and then sighed, looking at the ceiling. She decided to close every light that gave brightness to her room, be it dim or not and cast a spell that made her ceiling look like the stars.

That night hasn't been easy for Hope and seriously no following nights has been either. Ever since she had shut Josie out, she kept her self isolated from the world and it had been days since she's been seen by anyone. She would sneak around midnight to grab something so little to eat and will isolate herself once again. She was done trying to let anyone in and definitely it is because the last time she tried, it ended up into a disaster, making her open up more than she thought she would.

It was the fifth day since she's kept herself locked away, casting a powerful spell so that no witch could siphon the magic and unlock her stupid door. Yeah, and that includes the Saltzman twins. Although she's very much sure that Lizzie will never do anything so much more stupid than she already does, Josie still comes everyday to try and see if Hope is around but every time the former tried, she failed.

Hope didn't mind that she is once again going back to her old habits of shutting herself away instead of people. They would still be fine without her. Alaric, the rest, even her avenger squad that she had just assembled the very night she decided to rebuild her walls and this time even sturdier than before, and Josie.

'At least she has that witch.' Hope thought while once again trying to get some sleep and from time to time soothing herself with magic because her head would ache from over sleeping. She knows that she's got to stop doing this, once and for all. Not only that it's not healthy but it's making her weak and she can't afford having another loop hole which could be a flaw from her hard resolve. She knows that much but she's not doing anything to help herself anyway.

She's just, emotionally tired. Not only had some few people brushed the still fresh wound from her memories making it hurt, it also hurt her that she's actually about to have a reason to be in fear of something and she can't afford feeling like that.

'Fuck. How am I even supposed to have peace like this?' and how is her father supposed to find peace, seeing her state like this? That's definitely a no no.

'Maybe some wound just really takes a long time to heal.' her memory flashed and she hated how it was always Josie who tells her things that she knows is stupid to hear but would make sense. She know that she would heal but she's sure that healing is far out of the picture as of the moment.

She sighed and heard someone knock on her door. "Hope." was all she heard and she knew that voice really well. Against her will, she had undone the spell she casted of the stars and walked to the door. Giving it a slight allowance for faint light to enter.

'Great. It's almost night time again, good job staying this way Hope.' she reprimanded herself and looked at the man standing at her door step then sighed once again. She doesn't even know if how many times has she sighed already since she's woken up.

"Can I come in?" asks Alaric and she nods, letting the man in.
"What is it?" Hope asks, obviously uncomfortable with the company that had just arrived, already wanting him to stop invading her personal space.
"I was just about to ask you the same thing. What is it, Hope? You've already been past this stage and I am not just going to sit back, guiding other kids while I let you ruin yourself."

'Ruin myself? How can a shattered mess be any more broken than I am?' she asks herself.

"Just leave me be. At least, for now." she says and tries to go back to her bed when the man spoke.
"He wouldn't want you being like this." it's sharp. Alaric's work is simple but it daggered through her sanity just fine.
"He's not here to guide me... so..." she trailed off.
"But I am here."
"You're not my father." she snapped, her voice sharp unlike the older's simple ones and it did nothing to faze of the man.
"I know. But for the past two years, almost three, I've stood up to be. So you are getting out of this room, you are joining the classes tomorrow again, and you will stop sulking."