feelings | cranksepticeye

16 - confrontation

seán stood at the front door, watching everybody else leave. this left him alone with mark. he knew he was angry. he knew he was probably going to punch him. how could he have been so stupid and made a move like that on ethan? now all of this shit was happening that he really didn't want to deal with.

he turned around when everybody had left and saw mark standing there, his arms folded, waiting to talk. he walked into the living room, beckoning seán towards him. seán did as he was asked, he didn't want to make his friend more pissed off. he sat down on the sofa next to mark and prepared himself for some yelling.

"before i say anything...i already told ethan this, but i just want to make it clear that ethan isn't the one i'm mad at. i know for a fact it was you that started it. why is that?" mark was being surprisingly calm about this and wasn't shouting or getting incredibly mad. that was probably about to change.

"i...i don't really know...we were just talking about felix, i was asking him for advice. and then something just came over me and i...i kissed him..." mark shook his head and edged a little closer towards seán.

"you've gotta stop doing this seán. it's not healthy for you or the people you're doing it to.
you used him to get over everything happening with felix. that's not right. he probably feels really bad."

"and you think i don't? i feel horrible. i wish i'd never done it." seán explained. mark was still handling the whole thing really well. he would probably make a great counsellor.

"you need to apologise. not just to ethan, but to felix too. you need to tell him what you did." seán widened his eyes. he didn't want to admit what he'd done. he was too ashamed and scared. but he knew it was the right thing to do.

"i...i don't know if i can do that..." mark grabbed seán by the shoulders and shook him gently.

"i don't care if you're scared or if you feel like you can't tell him; you have to. somehow he will find out, because if you won't tell him, i will."

"but he'll hate me afterwards! and it might affect his friendship with you guys!"

"i wouldn't be worrying about that. if anything, i'd be worried about your friendship with us..." sean's heart stopped. he felt like he couldn't breathe. the simple thought of his best friends abandoning him was anxiety inducing. he knew what he had done was horrible, but he didn't think it was enough to make them all fall out with him.

"you're saying you guys are gonna stop being friends with me?"

"yeah, if you don't redeem yourself and change. you can't keep doing this. you're hurting other people, and yourself." seán felt tears rolling down his face. he knew right now that mark wouldn't comfort him or reassure him like he normally would. mark was the only one out of their friendship group who said it how it is, and actually confronted the guys when they did something he didn't agree with.

"i know you don't like the thought of us leaving you, but it's an idea you might wanna start getting used to." this didn't help. seán began to cry more and more to the point where his tears were uncontrollable. he was practically choking and gasping for air. his head began to pound and he felt sick to his stomach. he was shaking violently, and the whole room began to spin. mark couldn't sit there and watch this all happening. he knew he had to say something.

"seán...calm down, please. it's ok."

"no, no it's not, don't lie to me!" mark didn't know what to do. seán had gotten like this before in front of him, and every time mark felt like he couldn't do much, apart from advise seán to get help. he knew there was something wrong with him. seán just didn't want to admit it.

"as long as you fix your mistakes and change into a better person, you'll be fine, and you won't have to lose us." mark tried to be a little bit more kind and reassuring, but it wasn't helping.

"you don't mean that. i'm gonna turn up to school tomorrow and every single one of you is going to ignore me, i know you will!" seán stood up, not wanting to stay there any longer. he headed towards the front door, getting ready to leave. mark shot up and followed his distraught friend.

"seán, please. despite this whole thing, you're still one of my best friends, and i still love you."

"shut up. you don't mean that, you're lying to me! fuck off!" and with that seán left the house, slamming the door shut behind him.