Fate. A predetermined supernatural power. The will of the universe. Fate is order. It writes, and rewrites. It gives. It takes. It decides. It spins vibrant red strings that flow into the world and connect people who are destined for love.
Rubi Ama...
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She has so many of them—these animals stuffed with cotton—says they make her feel safe, less alone in this house that's otherwise empty except for Akito. We're together in Kurumi-senpai's room, which is barely half as big as mine is, on her one-person bed, with our backs pressed against the wall, side by side. She hugs the plump little giraffe in her arms while she goes on about her day, and I copy her, doing the same with the white bear she put on my lap.
It's so soft, it sinks into me. I feel no warmth from it, and it's limp against my chest. I pull back and look into its beady eyes, and I can only see it for what it is: an inanimate object. A thousand of these couldn't possibly replace the warm, reassuring presence of a soulmate who can hug you back.
"I think Akito has a crush on someone," Kurumi-senpai is saying now, speculating excitedly. "He seems different, you know? He zones out a lot. And yesterday," she laughs, bouncing happily on the mattress. "He blushed when I asked him what he was thinking about! Like, it was super obvious."
I struggle to maintain my smile. If I tell her who it might be, will she still look this happy?
"I want to ask him about it." She looks uncertain. "Do you think it'll be okay?" Sadness has crept into her smile now, weighing on the corners of her mouth.
I reach for her hand carefully, and it's only after she turns her palm around, letting it firmly fit into mine, that I let myself squeeze. You have nothing to worry about, I want to tell her. Akito is family. And familial love transcends all. I don't think I'd have survived middle school at all if I didn't have the warm cacoon of Dad's arms to return to every evening and the periodic window-shopping trips with Mom to look forward to every week.
Their very existence has always been a comfort to me. My mom anddad have shown me that life can be so colourful sometimes. That I don't always have to yearn for red.
So I look to Senpai now and say, "You could try." Akito seems to be a reserved person, someone who firmly stands guard over his heart, and the two grew up in different homes, so they may not have the advantage of a shared upbringing to bond over, but with family, it's never too late, is it? "It's been over a year now since you guys have started to live together, hasn't it? And you're still eating breakfast together every day?"
"Yeah," Senpai mumbles quietly.
"What do you usually talk about with him?"
"We mostly discuss finances and stuff like that," she answers with a sigh. "I don't know Rubi; it just never feels like the right time to ask about all the things I want to know. About him. It feels like there's so much distance that I need to cross first."
I give her an understanding nod. "But keep trying, okay? I'm sure you'll find an opening soon."
She smiles, sitting up straighter. "Yeah!" A flash of determination lights up her eyes. "You know what? I'm not giving up. I'll crack him open like an egg and get him to spill everything to me someday, you'll see." I laugh, and she collapses against my side again, tucking my hand into her lap. "I love him, Rubi; I really do. And if Akito does have a crush on someone, then I'm excited for him! I just wish I could tell him that."
