WORLD'S WEIGHT ▹ tfatws

[ 004 ] chapter four

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LOST IN THE DEEP END

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"Are you still having nightmares, Miss Barnes?"

It took seconds before she pulled herself back from spacing out, staring aimlessly at the huge window panels of the room. "I'm sorry, what was it?"

"Any nightmares this week?" Doctor Alice repeated the question.

"Just the usual ones...," Czarina trailed off with a half lie. Six months ago, who would have thought the girl would be sitting in the doctor's office, finally speaking and responding instead of just stoically staring outside the window for a full one hour. Where she is now is much better than how she started.

"Usual ones? Like what?" The woman asked, sounding more concerned than just interested.

Czarina is beyond grateful for all help the doctor has given her since she became her court assigned therapist. There were already two before the woman, who both quit on their posts after a few weeks with the ex-HYDRA agent who prefers to talk in phrases than to speak properly. Everything about the doctor is what a person that's on their way to recovery would need. She is patient almost all the time, she respects the border Czarina had set, hell she even treats her as an adult. Unlike most people around the girl who knows who she is. She had enough of being seen as a naive and scared child that doesn't have her own mind.

"HYDRA. Red Room. The Fall of Triskelion." She enumerated. "Usual ones."

It was all good with Doctor Alice, really, but the nightmares talk. That part of the session is the one thing the girl wishes she can avoid. Despite being told that talking and sharing about it will lessen the frequent dreams, it seems like it only gets worse every time she tells the truth.

"Okay." The doctor simply nodded, opening a leather bound notebook and scribbling quickly on it. "Let's talk about this trip you're going to in your semester break."

"Oh...," A pang of relief washed over her as the talk swayed into a topic the girl would be more comfortable talking about. "It's this family vacation Hazel invited me in. We're going to Florida in the next two weeks."

"Oh yeah, Hazel," the doctor replied with a fond smile. "She invited you a lot of times for dinner too, right?"

"Yeah. But I didn't go to any."

"But you're now going out with her family on an out of town vacation," Doctor Alice spoke enthusiastically. "This is a great start for you in meeting new people!"

"I wish that's how easy it is Doc," Czarina lowered her eyes from the woman. Being out there with people or around the crowd is easy. She would just go out and put on a friendly smile, have a short banter with unfortunate acquaintances, and talk a little. And that's it. But avoiding feeling disconnected with the rest of the world is difficult, especially these days. As horrible as it may sound, it's almost like she's only going on the trip in the hopes it would ease the overwhelming feeling on her chest. Something that feels entirely awful given how much Hazel had done for her to feel better.

"What is it?"

"It's just...," Czarina exhaled sharply. "Last month I've been doing alright already and all of the sudden these past few weeks I feel like all our work is just gone, I'm back on the same square again."