Fly

Chapter Eleven: Breaking Down

Lana's POV

        "What happened to you?" 

        I had already put my shirt on in a haste to try and cover my back but I already knew he saw it. I knew what he was referring too.

        I had so foolishly thought that I could pretend like it wasn't there and that he wouldn't notice. I had made sure that it was still dark enough so he wouldn't see my back. I thought that I would be able to slip away from this one, save it for another day. I guess fate had another idea.

        The multiple scars of things that I wish I wouldn't be able to remember. But they do plague my memory, everyday and they serve as a reminder of what I had put myself through.

        It's not that I hid the scars because they were ugly. I knew that they were, very hideous as they climbed up and down my back, splashes of discoloration of my skin. I hid them because I didn't want the questions that came with it, didn't want to see the pity or disgust in their eyes. 

        I avoided his eyes as I answered coolly, "The unforunate events of my life happened." 

        I moved to pass him, hoping that he would notice the stiffness of my body, the tone of my voice. He probably did notice pressed anyway, "Care to explain?" He said through clenched teeth.

        "Not really." I didn't bother to look at his face as I answered. I decided that maybe this was the best time to leave. Coming here was a bad idea, sleeping with him was a bad idea. I start walking to the front door, practically running. I didn't even bother to pick up the blanket I brought over. 

        My hand was door knob when I heard Andro say, "Wait Lana, please tell me-" and he tugged me back. It wasn't hard, rather gentle, but I was thinking about everything and my scars and I just panicked. I ripped my arm from his hand and yelled, "Get off me!" 

        I registered his hurt and shocked expression before I opened the door and practically ripped my own door open to get into the safety and privacy of my apartment. I waited for a banging on my door that both hoped and dreaded but it didn't come. 

        I walked into my bedroom, grabbed a pillow from the bed, and screamed into it. I hated myself. God, I really did. Andro was amazing and sweet and everything that I loved so much. I sleeping with him was probably the best and worst thing I could have done. Revealing myself was the worst thing because who wants to be with a messed up girl. Who wants to be with a mess left by someone else? 

        Sometimes I think I'm okay. I don't even think about it, doesn't even come to my mind. But sometimes it comes all at once, all the shitty things that have happened in my life and damn, it takes all I have not drink away the pain like my dad did. It's just so hard not to be able to really talk about. Sure, I have Diana but I wouldn't want to put the weight of my problems onto her. She doesn't deserve that.

        Everything always came back to Kendall. Kendall wasn't always like that. In fact he used to be someone I could always trust and confide in after my mom died. I could have trusted him with my life. 

        I was sitting on my porch while my mom and dad were fighting inside. My mom alway said to go outside when they fought so I wouldn't get upset. 

        I was nine so I didn't really realize what was going on, how my father beat my mother and how she protected me. So, here I was, gulliable and sitting outside. Staring at the house across mine, with the brown paint peeling but beautiful flowers growing in the front garden. Suddenly, front door opened and a boy around my age came running out with two other boys leading him. The one that came out first yelled, "Mom, we're gonna play outside!"

        I was young so I didn't immediatley feel some attraction toward him but I thought he was cute. He had light brown hair and light eyes with dimples. I tried not to stare but the other two boys started looking and whispering to him. I got nervous when one of them started pointing in my direction so I looked anywhere but them.

        They started playing with some type of ball. This seemed to go on forever and laid down on my back and stared up at the sky. It a summer day and the sky was perfect blue. Momma always talked about the sun being this beautiful women. 

        I heard some footsteps come toward me and I sat up. It was the boy from across the street! His arms were behind his back and he asked, "What are you doin'?" 

        I shrugged and said, "Nothing."

        He stared at me a little too long so I said, "Stop staring at me." 

        He grinned with dimples and all, and showed me what was in his hands. It was some of the flowers that I saw earlier in the garden. They blue, purple, orange, lots of colors. I held them out to me and said, "I think your really pretty. Wanna go play football with us?" 

        I smiled and took them. I laid them gently on the porch step and nodded eagerly toward him. I followed him over, learned his name, and that's how I met Kendall.

        I smile at the memory. It was a good one, one that I wasn't ashamed to remember.

        Diana once asked me if being with Kendall will affect any future relationships that I will have. I told her no because I didn't feel like it would. Sure, I've talked to guys after breaking up with Kendall but I haven't been in a relationship. Is this what it will be like? Scared to let anyone in?

        Some tears escaped from my eyes. And them more did. And before I knew it, I was full on sobbing. I cried for my losses.

        Every day I woke up, I always ached for my mother. That's a pain that will never go away, it's embedded into my soul. If I could trade my life for hers, I would in a hearbeat. Because it's not fair. She was so much stronger than I was. When she died, my whole world collapsed. I knew I would never be the same. How could I? The one good thing in my life was taken from me. 

        "I miss you momma," I whispered into the room. She would know what to say right now, how to make me feel better. I stroked the tattoo on my thigh. Cost me 6 months of  tips but it was worth it.

        I don't know how I would face Andro now. How do I explain to him the mess on my back, the mess of my life? 

        I closed my eyes and slept. 

Hi guys, sorry for the loooooooooooooooonggggggggggggggggggggg wait on this chapter. There was a death in the family and its been a rough couple of months for me but I am really going to try to upload chapters quicker. And thank you everyone for 20k reads! It means so much to me that so many people like my story! Follow me if you like my type of writing, I have some ideas for the future ;)  ALSO maybe some of you could tell but I've changed the title because the old one was rather generic and there were many stories like it. Don't worry, it doesn't change the plot. Enjoy! 

Thanks again guys, much love!