Kai's History

18 Years Old (Part 1)

*From here on out the story will be the same as 'In Need of Him' but from Kai's perspective*

As I said before I was back on the streets, thinking my life through. I didn't have much to do, I felt like my life could just end on a bad note.

I thought upon how I would die; if it would be by starvation or by disease or even by me. Shivers came every time I thought of that though, I didn't like that idea.

Long days went by like this, not very good days but it was nothing compared to the day I went to the police to talk about my parents. This is not my lowest point because it has happened twice before. I was used to it.

What I wasn't used to was seeing Cody walking around with a bunch of drug dealing shitheads. But guess what I saw. I saw Cody walking around with a bunch of drug dealing shitheads. Some of the shitheads I recognised as Cody's friends from our group in high school but the others were a mystery to me.

He instantly noticed me and remembered me reasonably well. He seemed pleased to see me but I didn't trust him then. He reeked of weed and looked high as hell. Perhaps he had forgotten about all the bad stuff from before.

We talked for a bit and they tried to get me to try weed and drugs. I managed to refuse on that day. The next few days, they had me remarkably high. Definitely not my proudest moment but, again, if I didn't join in, where would I stay otherwise?

They let me stay in their so-called 'house' (more like a drug den). It looked just like my parents' house. The walls were peeling off and thick smoke was everywhere. The only differences were that there were lots of people, around 15 of them and about my age, and hardly any windows. I wondered how in the world they survived there and if my parents could have survived without me getting colds every month too.

Cody was friendly to me, he brought me into a bedroom that seemed to be his. There was hardly any smoke there, therefore no peeling wallpaper.  In comparison to the other rooms I'd seen in that run-down building, this was the best one. Nothing special was in there (furniture wise) but it definitely stood out. No doubt it needed cleaning but I wasn't going to complain. 

What also stood out was a picture of him and his brother. I shortly found out he died from a heart attack and that was that. He didn't go into further detail. Cody always was one to keep his secrets to himself.

We mutually decided to sit down and catch up on everything. I told him about college and my job while he said that his bro was part of this 'gang' and he decided to join after he died. It was all very concise, with no one asking questions or explaining anything.

Somewhere along the lines, he thought back to the 'bad' stuff but we didn't talk about it, we just briefly mentioned it. Cody apologized but it wasn't an unmeaningful sorry. He sounded and looked honestly sorry. Again, explaining 'why' wasn't really part of the conversation, he looked like he didn't want to discuss it so we didn't. I was just happy that we were talking again and that I had somewhere to stay.

Then, the big question came: "Do you wanna join us? At least then you wouldn't be homeless." I frankly didn't want to. It felt just like going back to my mother's house and like I would become them. Regardless, I had to agree. He knew exactly why I was so reluctant to accept but yet he didn't take any precautions on bringing me into this. No warnings, no explanations, no helping hand. He didn't seem to be as companionate as before. Cody just wasn't the same Cody from before.

I thought of 3 reasons why he was so different. One is that he was simply high still and wasn't thinking straight; two is that he changed after his bro died; three is that the gang made him change to be like this. Of course, I did not ask him but I knew something was off. Perhaps it was all of these 3 things combined that had forced him to change. Maybe, he was just putting up a front to fit in with the gang. I don't know. 

The only thing that was like his character was when he hugged me before he left his bedroom. I was shocked at the familiarity. It felt like a distant, yet warm, memory. I hadn't had a meaningful hug since Mavi and that was over a year ago. Stunned by this sudden affection, I just sat there and looked at him walking out the room so nonchalantly.

Turns out he let me sleep in his bedroom and the amount of dejavu from when he saved me as a kid was increasing rapidly. Although, he didn't help me out as much as he did back then.

Be that as it may, the next few days were chill, everybody gave me irritated and yet inquisitive looks, but apart from that, everything was better than when I was out in the streets. I was getting some dejavu sense of when I joined the group back in secondary school and I just didn't fit in. 

All of the bizarre looks I got from others would disappear if Cody was next to me. They would look away or change into a better expression and tone when speaking to us. It felt odd but it was even more unusual when I heard a guy call Cody 'Boss'. He called him 'Boss'. It was so weird hearing that. Boss this, Boss that. Although, it wasn't all very different from the group we had in school.

Like you've likely guessed, Cody was the leader of this 'mob'\'gang'. I would never have thought that Cody, my 'brother', would be in a gang or even be the leader of it. Again, no further explanations were given to how he managed to get the position of a 'Boss' in this gang, I didn't query either. He didn't ask me questions when he helped me off the streets so why would I?

I asked him if I had to call him Boss but he said that it was up to me but I knew that I would have to if I wanted to fit in. So that's what I did. I called Cody 'Boss' for a long time. It didn't feel right at first and it most likely didn't feel right for Cody to be hearing it from me either. But we both got used to it... Eventually.

At times I would take a step back and think about what the hell happened to me and what I had gotten myself into. Those days were the ones where I'd stay up late (like 3 to 4 am) and go outside and smoke. Cody's gang had a lot of drugs, but they also had a lot of cigarettes. I felt guilty smoking it but I truly needed it (I didn't show that need it to them though).

During the duration of my stay, I became friends with a guy called Mason. He supported me throughout my duration of stay. He was a 'question-everything' type of guy. He would ask questions like "How did you meet Boss?" and "Why are you here? Is it because of Boss?". I answered them but only a small portion of it; like only a sentence summary of it all. It was annoying and I bet he was only like this with me (the newcomer). The other guys probably also didn't have the patience for him.

So if I wasn't with Boss, I was with Mason. If I wasn't with Mason, I was with Boss. I was never alone during the day. But, during the night? That was when I was alone but filled my time looking around Cody's bedroom. It didn't feel as if it was an invasion of privacy because he was like my brother and we shared everything before. Plus, Cody wouldn't have given me the room if he knew there were things he didn't want me to see. Altogether, I didn't actually find anything good. If anything, I found way too many condoms (new and used) which I didn't dare touch.

I did come to use one (a new one of course). I dislike this part of my life, if not hate it. Cody hired a prostitute to 'lift my thoughts up' and to 'please my needs' as Cody put it. Just like smoking, I couldn't deny it if I was to join the gang properly. After everything I'd gone through, I needed someone to unwind my body. That seems weird and all but it was true and I'm not here to lie. The woman looked... Well... Like a prostitute. Back then, I only had sex about 2 or 3 times with an inexperienced girl, but Julie (the prostitute) had experience. 

I didn't focus too much on it at the time, but now writing it, it's disgusting that I ever allowed myself to change so much because of Cody. What's even worse is that this happened in Cody's bedroom, on his bed. If I could delete this part of my life, I would. I really would. 

Nothing interesting happened after that, it was, again, pretty chill. The only notable thing was that I tried doing weed with Mason. Then I was really addicted but I can't help but say that it was nice to stop thinking of all the other shit. But, taking that away, there was nothing too important that happened.

That is until things went south as it always does in my life.