My Lover (Human AU)

Self doubt

6 months later...

I pulled up at the gang building on my motorcycle. The smell of oil and ruby filled the air as I pulled into the garage. The guard at the door nodded at me. It was a sign of respect and loyalty. After all, I am their leader.

Amethyst greeted me at the door on the way in, "Nice flames". I had just recently got a tattoo of flames all the way up my forearm. It was a thoughtless decision. I don't care though, I have no reason to care about anything. I'm gonna finish what I started and rid of those who threatened to get in my way. Killing jasper is my only goal, nothing else matters.

Things are a bit different around here. Everyone knows who is in charge and what our goal is. I am the boss and this is my gang.

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I laid on my bed and sighed away my aching stress. "Being a leader is hard work, but you gotta treat yourself", I said to myself. I grabbed a cigarette and relaxed, melting into my rusty bed. The smell of tobacco filled the air and my mind went blank in relaxation.

I had been chasing down that phycho bitch jasper for months now. I keep getting leads and ending up in dead ends. It's extremely exhausting and not to mention stressful. She's good but she keeps running and leading me astray. She's afraid, it's obvious. She won't face me, maybe because of... Peridot. I remember the day she nearly killed jasper. I clenched my fist. She's not with me anymore, why are you such a scary bitch Jasper.

I lifted my hand above my head. As I gazed upon it, I studied every mark and streak on my hand as my blood boiled with rage. I want to kill Jasper. She's done nothing but ruin my life. I balled my hand into a fist, ready to kill the first thing in sight.

Knock knock knock...

I growled, "ugh who is it". It was silent on the other end for a moment but then I heard a soft spoken voice on the other end of the door, "u-uhm I have news miss...". I rolled my eyes and lifted myself out the bed. I guess I can never get away from work. I opened the door and there stood a kid. I leaned on the doorway awaiting to see what the kid had to say.

She wasn't too young but also wasn't at my age. "What is it kid, I don't have time for games." she began to tremble, trying hard not to make eye contact, "W-well uhm... A member of jaspers gang was seen in our territory". I shot up and immediately grab my gloves and headed out the door, past the kid.

"Oh! Miss I-i almost forgot! There's a bike prepped outside for you" I stopped and turned to the kid, "Thanks and I prefer to be called leader". She looked down in thought then back up at me, "Okay uh... Leader, but I uh... Have a question!". I rolled my eyes, I don't have time for this. "kid I'm in a hurry, whats the question?". She walked closer to me just by a few feet.

"How did you become leader?".

"I-"

....

She looked at me as if she could read me. As if she knew what was happening in my head. How did I become leader?.. Peridot of course. Nothing I did. I didn't earn it did I? But I'm a good leader. I'm confident in that. I-i know I'm doing the right thing, I have to.... I have nothing left.

"uh... Leader?"

Do I really deserve that title..?

I felt my face getting warm as my eyes became watery. The kid waved her hand over my face, "Miss!" I grabbed his wrist and gripped with all of the anger in my soul until my knuckles turned white. "Dont fucking worry about it." She had fear in her eyes but I just don't have the sympathy to care. I feel broken, I am broken.

I quickly walked away and kept my eyes forward, not caring what anyone thought of me. I have a goal and I'm gonna achieve it, no matter who gets in my way.

Hi I'm back from a long hiatus ;-;