monitor; | spam/miscellaneous

- a fanfic i'm starting to doubt on.

while i was writing this specific book, a thought came into me and i asked myself… how the fuck am i still doing this?

this book is one of my successful works for the first time in my life, and that is the ‘amazing’ talk to me (a cavetown x reader).

i kinda hate it.

no offense, self lmao

talk to me was just a random thought inside my head that i decided to jot down since i haven't written any book ever since i left my nickelodeon phase.

it all started when i was listening to 4 songs from his which was fool, lemon boy, talk to me, and just add water.

at that time, it was 11pm and i was searching through wattpad and wondered “does this cavetown guy have fanfics as well?”

(i was a noob, aight? and wattpad was very boring to me)

i found a few books but some were very short so i thought, why not make one myself?

i tried to analyze each lyric i listened to with those 4 songs i had in my phone. fool gave me nostalgic vibes and gave me chills, lemon boy was a little too overrated (for the title), and just add water's a big fat mood;

but talk to me felt way more different.

and so, bam! i made this book cover in an hour while i had an incomplete plot in my head.

(he lowkey looks like wilbur here oop-)

aNYWAY,

i published two chapters in november 2018 and it just kept on going and going.

so far, i gained 100 views in a week which was amazing. as i kept on writing, i gained 1k in one month which left me shook.

my parents and my school found out and were amazed by this, some of them even made me their english translator (we filipinos do be like that sometimes)

throughout the whole writing, my english vocabulary widened up a bit and actually helped me express myself a little better.

it made me feel confident about myself, somehow.

in january, i realized that my book was easily searched since it was the first result when i searched "cavetown"

even though i was sick with measles, i didn't hesitate to continue writing this.

but now, growing up and slowly turning 15, i'm starting to doubt that maybe all of this imaginary world that i created was just rubbish(?)

i mean, for a long time, i've already thought about this but i just keep on telling myself that what i was thinking ain't true.

i already finished the plot for it but i feel like it's nothing.

must be because i kept on thinking about the criticism that i took? (idrc about them, really. i sometimes take their advice so izza good)

and i find it quite embarrassing to keep on writing it but i can't stop, i love what i'm doing but i'm starting to doubt it.

not that i'm starting to unstan robbie, but it's just a random thought that maybe others wouldn't like it anymore. it's no far from done yet, but i'm trying to rush it.

thanks for reading this random thing i have in my head for weeks, i appreciate all of your support, votes, and comments from my book talk to me.

i am currently making a new version of chapter one since this thought has been bugging me for a while.

have a great day/night, you adorable rats.

made: 17/03/20