Addicted.

28: Visiting Hours

Qatari.

"Jamell did unspeakable things to me but I forgive him, I love him.. I want to be with him and no one else." I mumbled finally deciding to look up at my therapists face. She seem surprised when I had demanded a walk-in appointment but that was because I explained to her I had absolutely no one to talk to with tears rolling down my face.

Of course Samson was dead but I still wasn't truly satisfied, it was like my body and my soul craved something much more.

"Define unspeakable," she wanted me to proceed.

I released a small laugh and shook my head beginning to stare at her, recalling the most drastic events I had been through with Jamell. "I remember this one time when he wouldn't let me go home for weeks.. He raped me," I informed and her facial expression remained the same, "he threatened to beat me and what not but as long as I gave him sex he was okay.. For some odd reason I wasn't afraid of him, I was wrapped around his fingers at the time."

"And do you know why?" She wondered as if I had known the answer.

"I kind of feel like I was making him seem like a bad person when all in all I loved him, I loved his rage, the attention he gave me.. Everything was so right."

She began scribbling words onto her note pad then she placed her pen down, "sweetheart you're caught in a web of Stockholm syndrome," she started, "see its when you develop feelings for someone who's intention is to bring you harm."

I shrugged, "why is it called that?"

"It happened in Stockholm, Sweden around the 70s where a bank robber held employees captive in a vault for 6 days. Each and everyone of those people after being released either felt bad because the robbers were in jail or actually visited them." She removed her glasses then looked at me, "it usually happens when the captor gives you something such as food, water, shelter, and sometimes in sadistic ways they give you love. Allow you too feel whole and you're rather grateful for it and you look to them like a savior or a god, you seem to forget the real reason why you're in the position that you're in."

I swallowed hearing each and every word flow from her lips, a tear fell down my cheek - She was right.

"Now Melly might've gave you something no one else could give you but it's all still wrong. Let's not forget he took away your closest friend, and so much more."

"You're right but I can't seem to bring myself to be mad at him because I know he was doing all of this because he loved me. Maybe it's wrong but that's because he hasn't had anyone to love him and nurture him in anyway." I shook my head and reached over grabbing my purse, "love is love..." I stood to my feet and began walking towards the door, carefully exiting and slamming it behind me.

Once I reached the elevator I stepped inside beginning to cry. I really just wanted Jamell here with me.

When I stepped off my phone had began ringing and I quickly answered it, "yes," I responded to the operator. "Baby I fuckin' miss you," Jamell blurted into my ears, "it's been a whole fuckin' month I can't take this shit."

I instantly smiled and looked down at my belly which was sticking out rather visibly, "me neither."

"So wassup?"

"Jamell I wanna come see you possibly today or tomorrow for that matter I have something to tell you."

He sighed, "I don't even think they lettin' me have visitors they been treatin' a nigga real rough," he admitted sounding saddened.