insanity.

Chapter 9

I was starting to feel like myself again, and since Hoseok and I weren't together anymore Namjoon had lifted his punishment. So I was going to basically every therapy session with Taehyung, mostly to see Jungkook.

He was currently holding my hand under the table, and I was listening to the therapist talk about childhood traumas and turned to look at him. "You should speak up."

He looked down at me and scoffed, rolling his eyes as he shook his head. "No. Nobody wants to hear me talk anyway."

"I do," I reminded him, and he sighed, shaking his head again as I groaned. "Come on, Jungkook. You're paying for therapy, but you don't talk. You have to participate if you want to get better."

"I don't even need this session because I have you now. You already make me better," he winked, and I just looked at him with a serious face as he sighed once again. "Okay fine."

He raised his hand to speak, and I watched as all the other boys looked at him in shock, my brother and Jimin included. "I, um. I'd like to speak if that's alright."

"Of course, Kookie," the therapist smiled, seeming much happier that Jungkook was finally participating. "What would you like to talk about?"

Jungkook hesitated for a moment, and I squeezed his hand to offer him some reassurance as he took in a deep breath. "You...mentioned childhood traumas. Um...my parents were...killed when I was 7."

The room fell silent, any side conversations coming to an abrupt halt. Jungkook sat in the silence, and I could tell he wanted to scream out never mind and just run out of there. But, I kept my hand tight around his.

"That's awful," the therapist finally spoke up, drawing Jungkook's eyes upward. "I truly can't imagine the pain you must've felt discovering them at such a young age."

"That's the problem" he mumbled, squeezing my hand. "I didn't feel any pain. I felt...pleasure. Seeing them that way. Covered in blood and their limbs separated from their bodies."

"He really is a freak!" A boy yelled out, and I saw Jungkook's eye twitch as the therapist cleared his throat.

"Mark, this is supposed to be a safe space for all of us. If you aren't going to be respectful, then I'm afraid you aren't welcome here," the therapist replied before directing his attention back to Jungkook. "How do you feel about the situation now? Do you still feel pleasure when you think of it?"

Jungkook pursed his lips, shaking his head. "I...don't know what to feel. I never really thought about it before, I've been taught to close that part of my life up, and move forward. That thinking about it only makes my thoughts worse."

"Thoughts?" The therapist questioned, and I could tell Jungkook was starting to get a bit irritated by all the questions. Just as I was about to say something, the timer on the desk began to go off, and I breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, guess that wraps up our session today. I'll see everyone next time!"

Jungkook practically dragged me out of there, grumbling under his breath as he slammed me up against a wall. It hurt my back a little, but I ignored the pain as Jungkook let his head rest on my shoulder, his hands on either side of me. "Why would you make me do that?"

"Because it's good for you," I said, reaching out to touch his hair. "You can't keep all that stuff bottled up--"

"You sound like everyone else!" He exploded, slamming his fist into the wall behind my head as my heart sank. "Everyone has been telling me to open up, but when I do I get called a freak, or crazy, or insane! Do you have any idea how that made me feel?"

"No, but--"

"That's my point," he sighed, moving away from me as he looked down at his bloody knuckles. "Nobody gets it. Not even you."