The Love of the Lost

Chapter 11

A fly on the window. That's all I can focus on. I'm sitting on Ben's  couch as I stare at the fly on the window. He looks peaceful, maybe even happy, I can't tell. But he probably didn't just mistake his boyfriends actions as revolving around work instead of him. I definitely messed up. I just don't know what to do. So I went to Ben's living room and Beast caught me there. He told me that people make mistakes, and that it's ok. I just need to give him some time. But we all know what happened last time I tried that. 

So now I'm just sitting here rethinking everything I did today and deciding where I should go. the cafe? No, too busy. My dorm? Nah, it'll remind me that I'm not living with Ben at the moment. Well, then I'll get to see Evie, Jay, and Carlos though. Maybe the mall? That's it, I'll call Evie. 

Ben's POV

I don't know what made me snap like that. I'm a strong leader I shouldn't have to be so angry. I'm not supposed to be angry. I'm supposed to be kind and noble. I see dad come into my office. 

"Hey dad."I say, a little too businesslike. 

"Look son, I know how hard you have been working, maybe it's time for a break."

"No thanks," I try to say nonchalantly. 

"Ben." dad says, without looking away. 

"I'm fine dad, just let me work, OK?" I say, and he nods reluctantly. Its been too stressful, but with Mal coming in and me trying to figure out stuff with her, and all of this stuff about moving in, this was a nice break. Well, a break with a bunch of stressful things. Still better than worrying about relationships. All I had to do was figure out how to entertain 50 of the most incredible people of the country! How easy! I seriously need some help for real. But it does give me some time to get out of my head. 

I decided to take my papers out to the front yard, where the willow tree was. I mean, I could hardly call it a front yard, since it was basically just part of the huge property  my family owned. But to be honest, I've found some strange comfort just lying beneath its branches.

But I'm simply not as terrified as I sit beneath the willow tree and gain hope for a better future. 

That's when it comes to me. She shouldn't have to stay wherever she is and worry about herself or what she has done. It's the past, and it's my fault that I dont trust her. I love her, but I still have hard feelings to sort out. So I sit under a willow tree to figure out how to deal with the feeling of love and loss. Maybe Mal and I need a break. 

Mal's POV

As Evie drives to the mall, I'm in the backseat crying. Sobbing actually. She has one hand on the steering wheel and one rubbing my back. My heart is breaking in a million different ways because I realized what he said was true. At first I was mad about it, almost pissed that he made it about me. But then I realized he was right. About it all. I messed up. So bad.  I broke up with him and he came back to me. He still wanted me. The least I could do was give him space to do what he needed. I was just being too selfish to realize it. My mood increased after the thought came to me, and I sat up. 

"E, thank you for doing this" I sputtered. She glanced over at me and smiled,"M, I'll always be here for you, but you do need to put yourself in Ben's shoes". 

I try to hide my face, knowing it was going to turn pink. Everyone knew that I messed up, even Evie. My head spun a little realizing how much her and Jay and Carlos had done for me, even after I messed up so much. Jay helped me go to the ball, Carlos was the nicest person I could talk to, and Evie was with me every step of the way. I really didn't deserve them. This just made the tears flow faster.