"We like to believe that by not starting the fight, we're in the right. Oh, how wrong we are?"
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Hollow - adj. having a hole or empty space inside
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Lieutenant Lexa McGarrett has done a lot in the 28 years she's been...
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"THE TRUTH"
It's alright to cry. It's no measure of your strength.
- Noshiko Yukimura, Teen Wolf -
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Derek had taken on the daunting task of getting Lexa away from the BAU for the next twenty-four hours. They'd only gotten back to their shared residence half an hour ago and he didn't know what to do with himself. Lexa was still sitting on the couch where he'd put her when they'd first gotten back. Her legs were hugged to her chest and her eyes were bloodshot. Derek was standing in the kitchen where he could see the blonde's lack of movement. He sighed heavily before deciding how he was going to handle the situation. He walked into the living room and crouched in front of Lexa, placing his hands on her knees, stopping her hands from shaking.
"Lex, can you go shower while I get dinner," he asked softly. Lexa made no indication that she'd heard him other than a robotic nod of her head. "Okay, I'm gonna walk you to your room. Is that okay?" No response except a minute nod.
He sighed once more before taking her hands in his and pulling her to a standing position. He could feel her legs shaking slightly from the sudden weight and kept a firm hold on her hands. Once her legs had adjusted to the sudden weight, he moved to wrap his arm around her shoulder while keeping hold of one of her hands. He felt how stiff her spine was and it concerned him.
He'd seen her glossy eyes that held unshed tears. He heard her hoarse breathing that held unspoken words. He'd watched her slowly deteriorate from the inside out in under thirty minutes. It didn't seem humanly possible until then. When the pair reached her bedroom door, he opened it, pushing it the rest of the way with his shoulder. He sat Lexa down on the edge of the bed before pulling out a hoodie and sweatpants that he thought looked comfortable. He laid the clothes out on the desk in the room and then moved to kneel in front of Lexa again. He made her hold eye contact as he spoke.
"I'm gonna leave you here to shower and change, Is that alright, Lex?" She only blinked, but he took that as an agreement, so he reluctantly left, closing the door so that it was only cracked. He wanted to be able to hear her if she needed anything.
Lexa could barely function since her breakdown earlier. Seeing John had unearthed so many things that she'd buried and it was overwhelming. She heard everything Derek said, but when she tried to respond like normal, nothing came out. She managed to get to her feet slowly and shuffled over to the bathroom without purpose.
When she got into the bathroom, she turned to look in the mirror just inside the door. She looked into her eyes and saw nothing. She saw an emptiness that was as deep as a bottomless pit. Her once sky blue eyes were now a stormy gray tint. Her skin seemed paler than usual, but it was all in her head. Not that she knew that. Looking at her reflection brought about a wave of uncontrollable anger. The kind that gets people hurt. And that's just what it did.
From where he sat in the kitchen as he contemplated what to order out, Derek heard something that sounded like glass shattering cut through the still air and into his thoughts. He immediately went running to Lexa's room to see what had happened. What he found saddened him. Lexa was sitting with her back against the wall facing her bathroom mirror with silent tears falling. The mirror itself was a mess; it was shattered and bloody. Almost like somebody had thrown a punch at it. And that was exactly what had happened.
Derek made his way over to Lexa and slid down the wall until he was sitting beside her. She was holding her hands to her chest, a sort of wall over her heart. Her knuckles were bloody, but she didn't seem to mind the pain that came with it. He pulled her hands away from her chest, bringing her closer by default.
Derek ran his thumbs through the air just over the split skin and Lexa hissed at the stinging sensation that followed. He let his legs fall in front of him as he continued to bring Lexa into his lap. And there they sat. He held her as she cried into his shoulder, soaking his shirt and occasionally talking about everything that made her feel so awful.
They stayed that way for hours until Lexa's sobbing had been reduced to sniffles. She physically couldn't cry anymore. Derek held her face in his hands as he wiped away the tear tracks on her cheeks. He could see the exhaustion in her expression and how she no longer took the effort to hide behind a mask of indifference and hollowness. He let his hands fall from her face and place one arm beneath the backs of her knees and on the center of her back.
Derek stood up with Lexa cradled in his arms and set her down on the bed. She closed her eyes as the physical exhaustion hit with the strength of a thousand bullets. It took everything in her not to fall asleep to the sound of Derek's steady breathing and his coaxing for her to stay awake. She could practically feel the warmth radiating from him as she moved closer.
Lexa felt him sigh as he shifted her over so he could climb in bed next to her. With his back against her headboard, Derek let her wrap her arms around his middle and snuggle up to his side. He wrapped one of his arms around her shoulders while the other combed through her blonde hair.
Her head rested on his chest as he removed her glasses, momentarily stopping from playing with her hair. She could feel herself drifting, but she wasn't ready. She didn't want to face the nightmares just yet.
"Der," she rasped out. He looked down at her, his heart pounding harder at the sound of her using the nickname. "Could you talk until I fall asleep?"
Derek was dumbfounded. He hadn't known what to expect in her current state, but that certainly hadn't been it.
"I don't know what you want me to talk about," he answered gently as his fingers glided through her hair once more.
"I don't care what you're talking about, can you just keep talking," she asked, though it came out as more of a plea. He'd never heard that tone come from her before. So he obliged her request.
He talked about everything he could think of. Somewhere in the midst of his words, she'd fallen asleep. When he noticed this, he slowly quieted his voice until it wasn't even a whisper. He looked to find her relaxed, no longer looking like she held the weight of the world and more on her shoulders. He pressed a soft kiss to her head, murmuring, "Love you, Lex," before allowing himself to drift off to sleep as well.
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Word Count: 1188
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hey readers! So, this chapter was mostly Derek and Lexa stuff like I'd wanted it to be. Just a heads up, the next chapter will mark the return to the Criminal Minds plotline with the next episode. Lexa is going to try and outwardly project that she's okay when in reality, she's still barely holding it together.
At the end of this chapter, Derek tells Lexa that he loves her. Sadly, he doesn't really mean it romantically. Or at least, he doesn't realize it yet. As I've stated in the previously a/n, things will hopefully start to pick up the pace with Derek and Lexa's relationship since I've already got the season 1 finale roughly planned out.
