EIGHT LETTERS || Liam Dunbar [2]

BONUS CHAPTER: the confession, Liam's perspective

A/N: The song isn't necessary, I was just listening to it while i wrote this and feel like it captures the mood/vibe of the chapter really well. Let me know if you want more bonus chapters from his POV in the future!

This bonus chapter takes place in the ending scene of Season 5 Episode 10 titled Status Asthmaticus.

I'd also like to inform all of you that sensory overload is a bitch.

Liam was feeling a lot of things.

Everything was swirling around in his chest and his head and his stomach, somehow managing to make him feel heavy and weightless all at once. It almost felt like somebody had flooded his body with helium, and for one fleeting moment, he felt the strong urge to stand up and hug Katherine as tightly as he possibly as he could because how can you live with this.

He'd figured out ages ago that she blamed herself for Allison's death; he hadn't ever met her, but the way she'd been described to him was enough for him to understand why one of his best friends had idolized her. But he couldn't understand how the hell she'd managed to get out of bed when it felt like something was crushing him from the inside out.

So yes, Liam was feeling a lot of things.

He felt angry. But rather than projecting it onto Scott now, he was angry at himself.

Watching Parrish carry Hayden's body away was quite easily one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do in his life, and it had taken everything in him to remain where he sat rather than launching himself off the floor and pummeling him until he was just a mess on the floor.

But he'd grown from that.

From the boy who couldn't help but throw punches every time something went even marginally wrong; from the boy who couldn't contain himself on the lacrosse field and destroyed his old coaches car after being benched; from the kid who had nearly broken his ankle trying to impress a pretty girl during tryouts.

All thanks to two people; a vet in training, and the pretty girl.

A wave of guilt washed over him at the thought of Scott, and what he had done, and at an unbelievably quick rate that guilt was joined by shame. And self pity. And self hate.

Because in one moment — or was it a series of moments? — he had allowed himself to be manipulated into trying to kill one of the few people he knew he could truly count on, no matter how angry he got. The worst part was, he'd wanted to do it.

He'd wanted to rip Scott into pieces for refusing to help Hayden when she was dying, and Theo had only antagonized him, egged him on.

How did you not see that?

His shoulders shuddered slightly as he tried to stave off the impending tears, but it proved to be a futile effort as his eyes welled so full of them they stuck his lashes together into a tangled mess that was hard to see through. The more he thought about it, the more horrified he felt with himself, and the more horrified he felt the more he thought about it. Katherine's anxiety spiked from where she stood motionless across the room, and that was more than enough to send him into full sobs, but her voice startled him out of that.

"I know this probably isn't the time," she whispered.

He could hear her heart hammering in her chest, and while he was so unbelievably confused by her opening statement, he couldn't bring himself to lift his head, all he managed was to tilt it slightly. "But I — uh — I'm not really sure what's going to happen after this, but I do know that I can't die without you knowing." She inhaled shakily and he vaguely go the impression that she wiped her eyes. "I'm — uh, crap — okay. I have...feelings...um, for you, Liam. And I don't really know if it's just a stupid crush or if it's so much more than that because I have nothing to compare it to, but I, um...I like you as more than a friend."