Out of Town: A Spot Conlon Story

XXXIX

Back at the lodging house the boys have taken it among themselves to drink like it is the end of the world. Spot drops my suitcase and just starts soaking them. I take this time to head upstairs and check on Toes. He is lying on his bunk just staring at the ceiling.
"Hey bud, what are you up to" I say, catching his attention.
"What happens when you die?" He asks nonchalantly. I am not about to have this conversation with a child. How am I going to defuse this? Nothing is popping into my head.
"I don't know, I haven't died yet" I tell him. That's honest enough and I didn't spring into a conversation about philosophy. However Toes does not seemed impressed with my answer.
"Why don't we know?" Toes pokes again. Is he okay? I don't even know what that question means.
"What do you mean?" I question.
"Why do we die?" He seems to just be asking more questions then.
I need to find out why he is asking all of these questions. "What is making you think about all of this?"
"I had a dream where you died" Toes says still looking at the ceiling.
"I'm not dead, I am right here" at this point I climb up into his bunk and sit on the end of his bed. He mimics me so we are facing each other.
"I don't want you to die" Toes says. He lunges at me nearly knocking me off the bed. I almost yell at him until I realize he is hugging me. I wrap my arms around him and we just sit there for a minute. Toes is melting my heart, I can't tell him I won't die but I also need to reassure him. Instead I feel a familiar sensation as tears begin to fall down my face. One after another a tear rolls down my cheek.
Suddenly I hear a knock on the door followed by the creek of it opening. If you were going to open the door anyway why even knock. I turn around to see Spot in the door way, he quickly shuts the door again stands by the ladder.
"Hey, Toes are you alright?" Spot says, giving him a pat on the head. Toes simply shakes his head no in our hug, still hiding his face. I can feel him soak my shirt with his tears, it is heartbreaking. Spot is immediately flustered like he doesn't know what to do. One thing I have learned about Spot is; his complicated relationship with emotions and this is no exception.
(Y/N) to the rescue, "it's going to be fine. I'm here now and that is what matters". Where did that come from? Luckily for me it seems to do the trick. Toes looks up and wipes away his tears still hugging me.
"I feel better now" Toes says. I give him a kiss on his forehead and begin to climb down from the bed
"Sleep tight toes"I say before grabbing my suitcase and leaving with Spot.
Walking down the hallway Spot wraps his arm around my waist and pulls be closer to him. He leans down and whispers in my ear, "you handled that well". He kisses my cheek before we enter our room. However he quickly excuses himself when we here a crash occur from downstairs. I set up my fabric in the corner of the room and that is all I feel like unloading. That is until I feel compelled to read an old entry of my journal.

11/18/1898

Hello future me,
Today is the worst day so far. Steven hasn't let me eat in about three days. I'm starving, and he keeps telling me that I'm fat. It is hard at this point I cannot help but start to believe him. He is always right, he is doing this for me...

I can't read any more of that, I turn to a few pages over

3/24/1899

Hello future me,
I broke up with Steven yesterday and I don't know if I made the right choice. He has a bunch of boys at school pick on me now, and it is making my life a living hell. However I do get to see Olivia and Wendy again. I haven't seen them since Steven started regulating my food. He said they didn't want to talk to me anymore. I found out he was lying. I am finding that Steven was lying a lot. It is all so confusing still, I thought he loved me. I thought he did everything for me, but maybe I was wrong.
I hope you figure it out soon, past (Y/N).

I turn another few pages again

5/15/1899
Hello future me,
Today I found out Mom is moving in with Tod. Unfortunately that is across the country and she only got one ticket. Aunt Medda said she will let me move in with her in New York City but I am going to miss Wendy and Olivia. However I will never have to see Steven again, and the creepy neighbor. I'm going to do it. I am going to take her up on her offer.
Hope New York is treating you well, past (Y/N).

Oh, if you only knew how well New York has been. I have a family here, one that you would have never experienced if you didn't move. Eight months ago was a bad time, how could I not see it?
I put the journal on top of Spot's dresser and I put on the slip dress that Spot likes. I guess Aunt Medda thought it was night gown and not a costume. When Spot enters the room again he looks me up and down, "oh the things you do to me".
I just chuckle and hop into bed for the night.