Through It All

A drive With a Friend

Every night I cuddle that stuffed animal that you got me, I hold it close to me..

I cry every night wondering if you still love me or if you're going to call me...

Do you plan on ending things? Is that why you haven't called?

I listen to emotional songs that make me cry and you know what songs they are...

What kills me the most that my friends say you're not worth it....

Fuck them, fuck everyone

......

I woke up to my phone ringing. "Ugh what now? It's too ealry. It better be important." I grab my phone off the charger and I see it's a call from my best friend.

"Yes..?" I said sleepily.

"Jen, get dressed I'm outside we need to get practicing!" For some reason she sounds excited, she usually dreads band practice.

I hang up and let out a sigh and throw something quick on and head out the door to find her car in my driveway. I enter inside the car. "Morning."

"Good morning I got you a coffee." She pointed down at the cup holder.

I picked up the cup and took a sip. She backed out of my driveway and drove down my street to get onto the main road.

"So why does John want to start practice so ealry?"

"Jen it's only 10 am. It's not that ealry and we aren't doing any practicing Ijust said that to get you out of the house and it worked!"

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously?"

"I mean look at you, you're a mess ever since Ben cut you out."

"Can we not talk about it you don't even like him."

"I know, but if he cut you out he's just not worth it.. don't bother to contact him. If he wants to talk to you, then he'll text or call you. Stop wasting your time. He obviously doesn't care or sorry to say he probably would another girl."

The words that came out of her lips made me angry inside and I wanted to cry but I fought it off. I stay silent and sip on my coffee.

"Jen, I know you believe what I'm saying."

"Kor, ever since we had that huge fight he's changed. I'm trying to understand what I did wrong. Like I think he lost interest in me or something."

"So he shut you out just because of one little mistake?"

"It wasn't a little mistake and I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay, well I don't like the way he's treating you. No guy should shut you out if he has a problem with you. He should bring it up and you two solve it. That's what John and I do."

"I told him that numerous times and he doesn't listen."

"It's time for you to find someone better than him and I know just the guy."

"Wait are you talking about Danny? Oh please don't. " I have a huge crush on him ever since we did a few tours with From Ashes To New and we would hangout after shows. Ben got jealous and he was rude around him and I and so one day he asked me out so Danny doesn't steal me from him.

Korey let out a giggle. "Yup! In a few weeks we're touring with them."

I blush. "Oh god no."

Korey couldn't stop laughing. "Danny is way better than Ben. He respects you and treats you right."

I roll my eyes. The guy I really want is Ben, I really don't want anyone else but him.

"Jen, trust me. Ben is not worth it, he's a jerk and you don't see that."

"Don't talk about him that way!" I yelled. Which I didn't mean to. I dug my ear buds out and I put them in my ears so I can shut Korey out. I hit shuffle and the song Time by NF played.

The rest of the car ride was silent.. I could tell she was hurt by the way I yelled at her...

So she decided to bring me home which that's what I wanted, I just wanted to be alone.

She pulled in my driveway and I go inside my house and straight to my room. I hook my phone up to my Alexa and the song Breaking Now by From Ashes To New played.

I plopped on my bed and I looked up at the ceiling. "God, please help me. I am confused and I don't know what to." I sobbed and tears rolled down my cheeks. "Help Ben, keep him positive, Lord I pray that he will talk to me again. This is really killing me."

I rolled on my side and I hugged the teddy bear close to me the one that Ben got me at the fair.

I told Alexa to play Through It All by From Ashes To New and i just cried... that's all I can do is just cry....

Ben, when are you going to talk to me?
Do you even love me?
Are you ending things?
Did you lose interest in me?
Are you mad at me?
What did I do?
Do you still love me?
I just wish you could talk to me...
I love you.