You Can Go Home Again

Chapter 10

"What do you mean?" I ask quietly, trying to hide my emotions from my face. Derrick has a firm grip on my wrist now, although I try to loosen it from his grip.

"Don't play games with me, Harper. Not anymore," he says softly but forcefully. I can tell he's trying to not draw too much attention to us.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You've been playing games with me from the start! One older gentleman wasn't enough of a thrill, so you bagged a second one. Which one of us came first, me or Ray?" Derrick practically hisses through his teeth.

"You did! Gosh, it wasn't a first or a second or thrills even!" I finally pull my arm free from Derrick. "I loved you. I still love you, but I was hurting. Ray was there and it led to a mistake. That was all it was!"

"And exactly how many times did you repeat said 'mistake,'" he uses air quotes around that last word. I can't lie to him, but I don't want this to be where we are discussing this.

"Can we go somewhere to talk about this?" I plead with him, still trying to keep my voice low.

"No. You keep telling me that we'll talk later, you keep pushing it off. Now I know why!" I can see his anger building. This is just how he would get in our fights back then too.

"I'm so tired of your rules, Laney!" Derrick grabs the edge of the table attempting to contain his anger. "We're both going to be at the same Mardi Gras ball as the rest of your family. Isn't it time we tell them?"

"It's too soon. Telling them would just mess everything up."

"More than how you're messing things up now?" I shoot a piercing glare at him, and I can see him trying to back pedal in his mind. "Laney, that's not what -"

"What? What you meant to say?" I hiss at him. "I'm sorry my rules about not telling my family have been messing up your life so damn much. Perhaps you should be with someone with fewer rules if that's how you feel." Derrick sits up a little straighter in his chair, looking much calmer suddenly.

"Maybe you're right." I feel the tears threatening to pour down my face, but I won't let him see. I stand up, grabbing my phone and purse as I do, and turn toward the door. I hesitate a moment, wanting to say something, wanting him to stop me. I leave his apartment in steely silence though, finally letting the tears cascade down my cheeks.

"No, you don't! Every time I have even thought about telling you, something else has come up. I know it sounds like an excuse, and maybe it is. The truth is, I didn't come home for you. I fooled myself into believing that the only time you would show up would be at the actual funeral. I wasn't prepared for facing my past because I wasn't prepared for facing this present reality!" I don't yell, but my tone is harsh even though I keep it low. I know some of my decisions have upset people but coming back wasn't supposed to be about me. "But since you, and everyone else who won't get off my back, simply need to know I guess I'll just say everything without a concern about your feelings." I down the last of my drink, and I allow the alcohol to numb whatever parts of me it wants.

"Good. Tell me. Tell me how you screwed one of my best friends behind my back. Tell me how you left because you couldn't decide which older guy you wanted as your sugar daddy." I slap him and point my finger directly in his face.

"I only ever loved you, you jackass! I left because I couldn't handle the lies anymore, but I couldn't tell the truth. I left because I got pregnant, and I didn't know whose baby it was."