My made up song

chapter 3

Izuku Pov

I don't want to open my eyes yet. I let a soft groan escape past my lips, and enjoy the warmth of the suns rays coming in through the window. It's warm, welcoming.. I don't normally leave my curtains open, drunk me was really looking out. I stretch my arms out, smiling softly at the feeling of sheets underneath me. I peak one eye open, the hint of a smile resting on my face.

Wait, what? I snap my eyes open and fling myself into a sitting position. This... is definitely NOT my room. White sheets pool at my waist, and that's when I notice that i'm not wearing my shirt from last night, in fact, this isn't my shirt. My eyes scan the rest of the room, taking in my surroundings. What happened last night? I close my eyes again and try to think of the events of last night... okay, drinking with uraraka... dancing... dancing with..? OH... oooohhhhh. Okay, cool. That's no problem.. I'm just in my childhood bully's bed... it's totally fine.

I slip out of the bed, feet slowly hitting the cold hardwood beneath me. A chill runs up my spine at the feeling. It's such a drastic contrast to the sun pouring in through the window. I close my eyes again, and take in the sounds around me. I hear birds chirping sweet songs, muffled by the closed glass of the window. I hear the faint sound of pots and pans. Kachaan must be making himself breakfast.

I argue with myself for a few minutes. Half of me wonders if I should just climb out of the window... I mean, that would save a lot of awkward conversation. What if kachaan just brought me home so he could yell about how much his hatred has grown for me over the years? What if he yells at me about things I already know?

I shake my head, forcing the thoughts away. No, I need to give this a chance. I need to stay positive, maybe things have changed. Maybe, he's changed. I inhale a shaky breath, tucking a loose curl behind my ear. My hair's gotten long, too long. My ex always liked my hair like this, so I tried to keep it managed.. To stop the memories from flooding in. To stop them from pulling me under, and drowning me all over again. I won't think about him.. I won't think about the way everything changed.

The positive side of me mumbles that it just proves that people can change! However, the rationality sinks in and reminds me that we've only witnessed change happening for the worst. Kachaan has always been different, though. Always accepting any challenge, never backing down from a fight. Maybe, I should allow myself to believe this will all turn out okay. Maybe, it won't blow up in my face.

I force myself towards the door, with a slight push it creaks open. The smell of breakfast wafts through the air, making my mouth water. I follow the smell down the twisted hallway, This house is beautiful. The Walls and ceilings seem to go on forever, painted in a dainty white. It's much larger than my small apartment that I share with Uraraka. I should really text her to let her know i'm okay. Later, now... I need to face kachaan.

I make it to the kitchen, and I lay eyes on a tan, muscled back. Arms flexing as they stir mindlessly at something on the stove. The sight is heavenly. It awakes something in me that I didn't know I could feel. I would've stood there quietly forever,admiring the work of art in front of me, if I wasn't such a clutz. I bump into the refrigerator, causing a rattling sound to bounce around the room. Kachaan whips his head around, rolling his eyes when he realizes it's me. He must be disappointed that I didn't just leave quietly... That out the window idea is sounding more and more appealing as the seconds tick by.

"Morning, nerd" he grunts out, turning back to the stove. I stutter out a good morning, before moving more into the kitchen. He doesn't say anything else, and a silence falls over us. The sound of eggs cooking in a pan filling the empty space. My heart is still hammering in my chest, and I'm not sure if I should be the one to speak first.

"Hope you like eggs, Deku. I don't have a lot here.. Haven't made it to the store, yet." he mutters out casually. He runs a hand over the back of his neck, gripping gently. Hm, weird. That was a habit that kachaan had when we were younger, when he was nervous. It was something I had found endearing about him. I can't take my eyes off of him as I reply shakily, "eggs are great, k-kachaan... thank you. Um, thanks for bringing me here, last night. I-... You really didn't h-have to."

His grip on the spatual tightens before he slams it down, and turns off the stove. He whips around to face me, Red eyes almost unreadable. My thoughts are clouded with images of roses, blood, and glowing traffic lights. He takes my breath away with just one look. I'm so distracted that I almost miss it when he speaks. "Of course I did, are you fucking dense? What else would I have done, huh? Left you there that way? Pft, right. You would think that, Deku." he spits out. I can tell he's trying to sound as venomous as possible, but I see the corner of his mouth twitch upwards.

It puts me at ease to know he's not angry with me. I smile, a small nervous smile. I still don't know what to make of all of this. "Right, sure.. Thanks, kachaan."

With another roll of his eyes, He turns back around, grabbing two plates from the cabinet above before loading a pile of eggs on to each. He turns around, gesturing to the table with his eyes. I follow him over and sit where he's placed one of the plates. He puts a small cup of coffee in front of me, the steam rising and making me sigh happily. I picked up the mug, wrapping my hands around it and brought it up to my lips to take a sip. I let out a hum of surprise when it was made perfectly, exactly how I like my coffee.

I raised my eyes to see kachaan watching me carefully, his hand had returned to the back of his neck and he smiled lightly. "I tried to make it the way I remembered you liked it in high school... I hope it's okay?" he asked, almost nervously. Kachaan, nervous? That's new. My smile stretched even further, "it's PERFECT, thank you!!! I can't believe you r-remember that.." I noted gently. I could have sworn I saw a blush fan across his cheeks, but he quickly turned around and grabbed his own cup from the counter.

"Yeah" he mumbled, "sure, deku... of course I remember."

I hid my smile behind my cup, basking in the presence that is Bakugou Katsuki. He had this thing about him that reminded me of the pull of the earth. I couldn't help but feel drawn to him, an irresistible pull... like I was made to be in his orbit. Just a speck of dust in the galaxy, so unimportant to him, or his life. But, he looked at me like I was the sun. Like he needed me.

And for the first time in a while, I felt my heart yearn. I could feel a crack ripple through the walls I had built so high, for so long. Maybe, I was okay with that. "But you'll get hurt, again. All they ever do is hurt you", My mind mumbled cynically. It's true. Everyone that had ever told me they loved me, had hurt me.

And maybe that's my problem.. Maybe, I can't think of love without thinking of pain. Maybe I can't trust because when I try, to just give the slightest piece of myself... to reveal the smallest bit of truth, it's crushed. Disregarded.

But the way he's staring at me, blushing into morning coffee, soggy eggs sitting on a messy table... I think that, maybe... just maybe, I would risk it all to know what it feels like to really, truly love again. To be loved by him, To let those feelings I felt for him in my earlier youth leak out into the open.

I can't pretend that being near him doesn't make my skin burn, begging for his touch, for his attention. But i also can't forget the things he said to me. Words that still bounce around my head, making their home in my bones, reminding me that I'll never be enough. Telling me that the world would be better off. And I feel deep down, that he was right. I have since the day he spit those words.
There is something so different about him now, though. He's older, wiser, and he has this gentle side hidden behind his sharp display. I want to get through that harder exterior and see what he's really like underneath. It had been so long since I had seen this side of him, always hidden away within the deepest parts of himself. He never wanted to seem soft or weak.

Somewhere along the way, I guess he had decided that those two things were connected. He didn't understand that you could be gentle and strong.

I stared into those eyes, feeling the familiar pull of him. I smiled lightly, and when he turned to meet my gaze. He smiled back.

And my world would never be the same.