Draco Malfoy Imagines

Fine Line

In which he reads the letter that was never meant for him to see. After her funeral.

Put a price on emotion,

im looking for something to buy

I don't like depending on people, because eventually people leave. All the time. At the end of the day I have to be enough for myself but I never am. That's the problem with words, they lead you into a false sense of security. But it seems I don't mind myself falling for every syllable and vowels that flow from your mouth like honey.

In the earlier hours of the morning and later hours of the night, it's dangerous. It's dangerous for me to be left with my own thoughts. My incessant sleep patterns may never allow me any peace. My memories replay and when I start to think ; I let myself fall in love with you deeper and deeper until I'm falling again. Almost losing myself in the process. In this weird reality, I don't mind it to much. I want to completely immerse myself into your soul and drown in oceanic void of your eyes. I sometimes keep myself up at the ungodly hours of the night beside you, because you, to me, is what feels like home. Home was pain, and pain is good.

One day, after our night together filled with secret "I love you's" and telling me that "you're my everything, darling but if they find out...". And my mind sauntered, but if they find out what? A statement you'd always make but never answer. And then as I was walking down the corridor in a hoodie that was two sizes two big, but I didn't mind because it was yours. I saw you with her and my heart cried. Though you may not have touched her, the happiness in your eyes and slight dimples when you smiled told me that I'd lost your heart to her. But I wasn't mad at you.

You sunshine,
You temptress
My hands at risk
I fold.

Everyday I'd see you with her smiling. My insomnia destroying me again. I'd wanted to completely immerse myself into her to see what it felt like to be completely yours. I wanted to drown myself in her perfume and have her slender silhouette so you might hold me as if I was as delicate as porcelain. That night was everything and nothing within itself.

That night, you'd promised me the universe and more. "She's nothing..." you whispered to me. "Just an public image for my parents. You know that love..." I just had to accept that. But I didn't mind because that night, I had for myself. I'm honestly quite a selfish person.

I wanted you to be as invested and immersed in me as I was yourself. You loved me that night like it was your last, and for a temporary time, the love bites on my neck counted as your love for me that would be left the next morning. The mornings where I'd always wake up to an empty bed.

That's what's easiest isn't it? When the world stops spinning and you realize just how lonely you are. When the sun stops shining there's always someone to blame. Always someone that's not yourself. Oh how I wish to be mentally deprived and blissfully ignorant. All I have to do is look in the mirror and my repetitive toxic habits, the ones I've learned not from my environment, but from myself can slowly start to evolve back into the very deepest darkest corners of my mind and if I try hard enough, can push itself back to the surface until yet again, all that's left of myself is bones and a void in my eyes of a hope and love I lost, that I actually never had to begin with.

But the love I had for you, the love I hoped you had for me wouldn't allow such a thing. So I kept pushing because I would rather face death than ever disappoint you. I'd walk through heaven and burn myself in hell if I knew it would save our infinite love. Because you don't give up on the people you love, you persevere even when the whole world might be pushing you again.

We'll be a fine line
We'll be a fine line
We'll be alright
We'll be alright

A theory of myself. I don't actually have one. I still don't understand myself, at all. I want to be happy for someone and I want them to be happy even if it's above myself, but I also want to be selfish. I want to keep you for myself but I know I cant do that because your soul is to beautiful to be hidden away.

Maybe this life is just all one big sad story but when I look back, I realize it's wasn't sad at all, it was just hard. I want to realize that I, myself, are absolutely in love with you but I have come to my own conclusion that I will be content if you are not in love with me, if you're happy even if it's hard for me. I feel deep in a hole I thought it was so dark when really I just wasn't turning the lights on.

Sometimes people are great together but no great for each other. And just because it may seem like a great decision now, you may regret it in the game that is life. I may not get it, the bigger picture may not be black and white and I won't be able to look back and say "this is why. This is what I need." But it's okay to realize that you don't make all decisions, sometimes things just happen.

Sometimes you may not be ok until you let go. Until you say "okay, I'm not okay. But this is what is right and this is what needs to be done." I may never have you complete to myself but I know in whatever is left in my body, that if we're suppose to be together the universe will find away.

You may need to push yourself and contribute yourself and say "okay you want this to happen and this I what I'm gonna do to make it happen." I don't know a lot about the things that turkey matter yet. I just know that I hope with every once of my soul left that god or the stars or something will say, "you, you need them so go get them". I will not push the inevitable I will only push for what I believe is right morally as a person and as someone who's got so much love to give to you.

The tears slowly sainted down the young boys face as a sob racked up in the back of his throat. His precious y/n. How could he've not been completely immersed in you while he had you? But that didn't matter anymore, because you were gone.

Maybe it was a wake up call, or a suicide pact. To live for you, or to live without you? That seemed to be the question, that challenge. Because once you go without them, nothing else will do.
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* Hey peeps, another sucky imagine :) since I've gotten so many requests I'm in the midst of editing another part for the "Erich Blunt" series. Honestly thank you guys so much because that series sucked ass lmfao.
Another note, if you guys could check out miaistrash imagines for Draco Malfoy.
She worked super hard on them and she has so many good preferences in that book!!