Draco Malfoy Imagines

Brainstorm

Small blurb requested by french_

TW: implied self h*rm, minor suicidal thoughts, slight mentions of a panic attack

How bads the weather in your head?

Loving yourself was probably the farthest thing from easy for you. Accepting the body you were given was an everlasting battle. Most days you couldn't help but let your mind wander and think about how if people saw souls instead of our physical bodies, how much our ideals of beauty would change.

You started to feel okay after a little bit. Not happy, but okay. Draco made you happy. You were deep into your recovery phase. Draco hadn't had the slightest clue just how dark your mind was. You didn't think that Draco would ever even spare a look in your direction, when you first meet him. But he did. The first time that he had almost seen your scars, scared you half to death. You had been careful—really careful—whenever he was around. But almost not careful enough. You made sure to always get a jumper two sizes to big so it wouldn't irritate your arms.

One day, Draco had came up to your dorm, unannounced. You didn't even hear him open the door, as you were studying for one of Lupin's quizzes. He hadn't even said anything when he walked in. He had heard your roommates talking about going to hogsmeade and he'd decided to spend the time with you instead. He smiled silently to himself as he approached the open doorway. He leaned against the doorframe before clearing his throat after a couple of seconds.

You were wearing just a simple t-shirt and shorts, and if he'd been just a foot closer, he would've been able to see the silver lines across your legs and arms. You quickly jumped when you saw him before scattering off to the bathroom and grabbing an old hoodie. At this point, you had to stop to control your breathing. You didn't even want to imagine the cold things Draco might've said to you. It took years to see the real Draco, past his families prejudice and his own cold demeanor. One, two, three, in and out, one, two, three, in and out. Just breath. You kept repeating in your head.

You brushed through your hair and walked back out to sit on the bed. "Why'd you run off so fast?" He questioned. You'd managed to make up some excuse about your messy hair and how you needed to look presentable. Draco simply rolled his eyes and pulled you between his legs. You feel his strong arms wrap around your waist. You weren't even sure exactly when you realized that you couldn't live without him, but he had become such an integral part of your life that you started to get scared. At any second, of any minute, of any day he could just leave. You we're terrified of him leaving you. The only thing that scared you more than that, would be realizing that you weren't quite ready to let him go.

Where do you go, when nobody knows where you are?

It only took one more time after that. And that was that. You hadn't been careful enough. You were in a t-shirt and some athletic shorts. Someone had knocked on your door and you thought it was one of your roomates. But it was Draco. The silver lines, were a little to visible candlelight room. At this point, you had flipped your head to the side to see who it was, but you come face to face with Draco's ghost-like expression.

And you immediately start to shield yourself. You reached over for your hoodie, his hoodie and before you can pull the whole thing over your head, you feel his cold arms wrap around your waist. He was on his knees on the floor in front of you, and yet you could hear him sniffle. "Tell me you'll stop please. Just...tell me you're done with it....I-I don't want you to feel like this anymore. Please j-just tell me what I can do to make you feel better".

There. That was one of the rare times Draco had showed any sympathy. Had showed that he cares about something or someone that's not himself.

No matter how selfish it had sounded in your head, you didn't want him to leave you that night. You knew that after he left, he'd go back to his cold nature. If you were lucky then his eyes might show some concern in the hallways. "Tell me you'll be okay," Draco whispered as he rests his forehead against yours. "Tell me." A streak of tears fell from his eyes. "DAMNIT Y/N TELL ME, please". His voice went small. "Please, y-you don't deserve this". Oh, but you did. Your mind screamed at you.

"How many..." he stammers, "How many times...did you today?" He's running a soft finger down your arm, wincing at every raw wound. "twelve," you round. "twelve... I think." A shakey breath leaves you. "Twelve," he repeats, his tears dripping off his chin. "Twelve times I wasn't...I wasn't there for you." You shake your head, "No, Draco, it wasn't your fault-".

"YES IT WAS". He sobs. "Twelve whole times you were destroying yourself and I sat on the sidelines...oblivious to it all".

"Draco look at me". You said grabbing either sides of his face. "It's over," you had assured him as you brushed your thumb across his cheek. He looked absolutely torn apart. "I love you so much. I promise I'll never do it again."

You remember the night with distinct clarity. Draco had spent the entire rest of the evening in your arms, with the both of you only emerging from the bedsheets to either make a quick run to the restroom or to drink water. You had tried to compose your expressions and stop yourself from completely breaking down. However, you were finding it hard to hide your shattering heart.

Short note*

Wattpad decided to stop being a dick so i'll be uploading periodically through the night :)