ACT 4
SCENE 20- THE HOSPITAL
MILDRED- Wha... where am I?
(DOCTOR starts ringing cowbell)
DOCTOR- Wake up, wake up, wake up up up! Get up, get up, get up, get up, come on, come on, come on!
MILDRED- Aaaah! What's- what's happening?
DOCTOR- What's happening? The government and their lies, that's what!
MILDRED- What? What are you saying?
DOCTOR- Let me put this in child terms- The government is spying on us, and we have no backbones and won't do anything about it! Tell me, Jane Doe, was the moon landing of 1962 faked? Yes. Case closed.
MILDRED- Wait- Jane Doe?
(Looks around)
MILDRED- Am I in a hospital?
DOCTOR- No. You're in a country of lies!
(NURSE runs in)
NURSE- Doctor! Doctor, the Jane Doe is awake?
DOCTOR- From her slumber? Yes. From the foggy haze the government has her and this country under? No.
MILDRED- Why do guys keep calling me Jane Doe? My name is Mildred, Doctor.
DOCTOR- That's what they want you to think And it's Doctor Doctor to you!
NURSE- Mildred, what the Doctor is trying to say is that we found you with a knife in your leg in the middle of the street. We had no idea who you were, since you had no identity. We took you in and tried to help you. We tried to identify you by putting up these posters, but we had no luck.
MILDRED- Thank you for taking me in! But wait... what did you do with my leg if it had a knife in it?
NURSE- Well, we simply replaced it with a fake leg.
MILDRED- A fake leg?
NURSE- See for yourself.
DOCTOR- Oh, wait! I forgot! You can't! Because these days, the government decides what you see and don't see! For example, the Soviets!
MILDRED- This place is cold.
DOCTOR- I'll ask the questions around here!
MILDRED- That was a statement.
DOCTOR- I'll ask those too!
NURSE- Doctor, why don't you go check in on another patient. I will handle the little girl.
DOCTOR- Fine. But if a man with two eyepatches, 9/8 Irish and all muscle comes in looking for "the real Jesus", I am not here.
(DOCTOR leaves as MILDRED looks at foot)
MILDRED- Oh my lord! A-
NURSE- A golden boot, yes. It has been plastered around your leg to protect it from any harm. Whenever that thing is on, you will be safe.
MILDRED- Oh, thank you for this ridiculously expensive and not really needed boot, nurse!
NURSE- You're welcome. Now, you stay here and get some rest. I have to stop Doctor from forcing the patients to drink their own blood again. Doctor, that's not healthy!
(NURSE runs off)
MILDRED- Let's hope they don't find out about where I really came from.
BROTHER- Oooooooh.
MILDRED- Hey! Patient to my right! Quiet it down, I'm trying to add depth to my character!
BROTHER- Wait... Mildred?
YOU ARE READING
Once Upon a Mildred
HumorMildred has had a hard life. Death, war, and sharks have torn apart her family, leaving her alone in an orphanage. But when she finds out that her father might still be alive, she sets out on an adventure that will change her life forever.
