SCENE 26- THE SHARK'S STOMACH
MILDRED- What? Where are we?
SHARK- You see, Mildred, the funny thing about us sharks is that we don't have pinkies! We have fins!
MILDRED- Ah! Darn your magical wits!
SHARK- You know what? It's hard being a shark, okay Mildred? Everybody hates you just because of some high-grossing Hollywood flick!
FATHER- Oh, man! I thought my belly days were over. Once in a stomach, always in a stomach, I guess. Come on, there's some undigested salmon over here. We may be able to make a hole if we push really hard.
MILDRED- What's the point?
FATHER- Excuse me?
MILDRED- I said what's the point? Obviously, somebody wants me to have a terrible life no matter what. In the past three years of my life, nothing good has ever happened! Everything always stinks for me.
BROTHER- Mildred! Don't talk like that. You know it's hard to understand you when you mumble.
FATHER- Mildred. Look at me. We are going to be okay. We always are. Heck, brother ate me and I survived!
BROTHER- And he didn't taste half bad. Could use more salt, though.
FATHER- My point is, no matter what happens to you in life, you've got to keep trying. And no matter how many times life has you get eaten, you must always find a way to get regurgitated. Always.
MILDRED- Thanks, guys. I feel much better now. Now, let's get out of this shark's belly!
OLD MILDRED- We didn't get out. We lived in there for three years, surviving off whatever the shark forgot to chew. It was a pitiful life, but it was better than no life at all. Three years late, I was thirteen. Six years older than when I set off on that remarkable journey. But, it still wasn't at an end. One more surprise was in store for the Bigsby clan.
MILDRED- Alright. What's on the menu today?
FATHER- Some beautiful undigested trout!
BROTHER- Oooh! Undigested trout is my favorite! Father, pass the undigested salt and undigested pepper, please.
MILDRED- And I'll take some undigested cloves.
FATHER- I thought you were allergic.
MILDRED- Only when they're digested.
FATHER- Oh, of course.
MILDRED- Hey, big guy. Could you swallow a tablecloth for us, if you don't mind?
(Tablecloth is thrown down)
MILDRED- Thanks a million!
(Everybody shakes)
BROTHER- What was that? Something just shook.
MILDRED- I don't know.
(Hook is thrown in)
MILDRED- Father, look! A giant hook!
BROTHER- Mildred's a poet and she didn't even know it!
MILDRED- No, guys, I'm serious! I think somebody actually caught the shark!
FATHER- Wait. Then that means that we can get out! Come on!
(The three scramble out to find REGAN standing there)
REGAN- Boo.
MILDRED- Regan!?
REGAN- Surprise surprise, loser. Ha!
YOU ARE READING
Once Upon a Mildred
HumorMildred has had a hard life. Death, war, and sharks have torn apart her family, leaving her alone in an orphanage. But when she finds out that her father might still be alive, she sets out on an adventure that will change her life forever.
